Supporting adult son and grandson

[Grace12]

My adult son is going through a difficult time with child custody issues. He is the primary carer but has to return his 3 year old son to the mother at the end of each week as per the Family Court orders. The little boy becomes very distressed at handover, cries, clings to my son and resists going to his mother until she finally pulls him from my son and takes the little boy to her car where we hear him screaming as she drives away. She says that he settles down within 5 minutes, but it is very distressing for my son, and for me too as I attend all handovers, on his lawyer's advice. I sit with my son afterwards and let him talk but don't feel that I'm helping very much. We both dread the end of each week because we have to go through this. My problem now is that my husband and I had been making plans to take a long camping holiday and we intend to leave in about 3 weeks. I haven't been able to tell my son yet. I thought if I could find someone to accompany him to handovers I would feel I'd put something in place to assist him but it's very difficult to find someone. I thought perhaps I could pay a qualified babysitter to do that, but am not sure anyone would want to do it. I feel guilty for leaving him to cope on his own, especially as he has been advised to have a support person with him. I'll miss my grandson very much while we're away, but want to spend time with my husband on our holiday, so am very torn and not sure what to do.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Grace

It's so nice to hear about the progress you are making with your son. It will likely be many small steps forward, and a few back, until he gets to a better place. He's really lucky to have you be his side.

I hope you have a great trip. Feel free to post any time to let us know how you are going x

[Grace12]

I last wrote in this forum in 2018 about the situation with my adult son and his son (my grandson). My son is primary carer for his son who now lives one week with his father, and one week with his mother. My grandson had delayed development and my son worked with him to help him, crawl, sit up, speak, and now he can speak and express himself very well. From very early in his life my grandson has been unhappy about going to his mother at handovers. As a toddler he would hide behind my son's legs when he saw his mother coming, would cry, be very upset and say 'no'. Over the years he has suffered several head injuries while with his mother, the last being this recent Easter Saturday when my son had a call from the mother advising that their son was in hospital with a cut above his forehead and would probably need stitches.The mother now has half custody of two other sons (aged 8 and 10) from another relationship and Court Orders state that my son's son has to attend school with his half-brothers so has just started Pre-School there, 25 kms from where my son lives. My grandson strongly resists going to Pre-School, sobs and clings to my son on the days he takes him to school. The teacher is quite abrupt and strict and once told him that he had been fine the previous week when his mother dropped him off. He was attending 2 days a week in Term 1, which ceased when schools closed, but now the Pre-School has opened again he's even more upset, says he doesn't want to go, cries and becomes distraught if school is even mentioned. Last week my son showed him the online greeting from his teacher to all the class, thinking he would be pleased, but he began sobbing, saying "No, No, turn it off, turn it off." My son is very worried about my grandson's behaviour and hates to see him so upset. He wants his son to enjoy school, tells him he'll see his friends, but it doesn't help at all. My grandson has a very close attachment to my son because of incidents that have happened to him over the years with his mum, and told my son "I never get hurt when I'm at home with you, I always get hurt at my mum's", and "Out of everybody I love you best". This is a very distressing situation and I'm not sure what to suggest to him, that might help them both.