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struggling with special needs children

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Does anyone else have children with special needs.I am struggling with mine.My youngest cant use a toilet when their at the age they should be.I am getting tired of changing them,does that make me a bad parent?The constant hyperepisodes are taking their strain especially that i am going through other personal stuff in my life
1,006 Replies 1,006

Community Champion
Community Champion


t is hatrd when you are struggling and your child is not bale to do what other can at the same age.

Has you child been diagnosed with having special needs or are you worried .

I know with toileting children can start doing that any time between 18mths and 3 and a half , with the child still seen as in the normal range.

Every child has a different approach to toilet training.

I am sorry this is stressing you and I realise you have other issues in your life.

I would try not to compare your child with others, unless there is a physical or emotional reason why your child cant toilet.


Yes my child has been properly diagnized wth adhd and autism.He sees specialist regularly including someone about his toileting but just dosnt seem to be working


I am so sorry I was confused. Thanks for explaining.

I used to teach children with special needs and can understand how hard you work and how you are struggling. I think brining up a child with special needs is one of the hardest things to do. I see you as as a very caring parent and of course you would be tired of changing nappies.

I suppose you have been told that toileting may take a long time, and I am glad you have support.

i wonder if the person you see about the toileting would know other parents doing the same thing so you can get some idea and support from them.

I know that with children with autism some take a lot longer to understand toileting and it can be frustrating for the parent.

You are doing a great job helping your son .


Community Member

Hi Matchy,

I just read your post and hope it’s not too late to reply. We have a child with Cerebral Palsy and he can’t toilet himself or walk or talk. It’s incredibly difficult a lot of the time to care for him because he has so many needs and things he can’t do himself.

It’s even harder when you are struggling with your own mental health issues and I have been through a particularly difficult time recently, including a stay in hospital. Sometimes it’s so hard to get motivated to care for him but I do it as he can’t do it himself. I feel guilty for my feelings at times, but remember, they are normal so don’t beat yourself up.

I get some counselling through his main disability service. That way they can offer extra support. I really look forward to respite, so he can have some time out and my husband and I can have some time together.

I love my son tremendously and would do anything for him but yes, I know how hard it is. His behaviour is pretty good which helps. I find that I worry a lot about the future and how I’m going to care for him. Also if I’m feeling particularly sensitive, it’s hard going out because people naturally stare. He doesn’t look ‘obviously’ disabled, but being in a wheelchair and his ‘flapping’ at times draws attention to him.

Hang in there. It’s hard when you’ve got other stuff going on too, but it’s the reality of the situation, try not to be too hard on yourself.

Blue skies

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Thabk you for your reply.I know other people are going through similar things with their child.

Mine has a lot of behaviour problems as well and i get to the point where i struggle to take him out and if i do its for short periods and i allways glad to get home.

Last week i had a bit of a break through with his toileting with him doing a poo on the toilet but since then its been backwards.I will just keep trying.

Probably because my mental health isn't good and hasn't improved any that makes it more harder for me.It is a real struggle for me.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

A tough morning getting the kids ready for school,one having a hyper episode and the other one having a huge panic attack which caused me to have one.In the end some how got both there.

Now having a huge cry and trying to recover.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Listening to a programe on NICU bought back memories of when my son was born and had to go into one for a few weeks.I remember my sons mother had to use a breast pump filling up bottles all the time.I remember getting a pass to park outside the back door.It was such a scarey time 7 years ago and it hasnt got much easier since.The continuous appointments with specialist seems never ending.

Hi Matchy69,

I'm hearing you. It must be so very challenging esp that you've got your own mental health to contend with as well.

I couldn't imagine doing what you're doing. I've heard some ppl say it's rewarding, would u say that?

I, in ways have taken an easy rd. 37, fem, no kids, no partner, living with mum.

I really value ppl like you, taking on so many challenges and doing your best despite the circumstances. It is such a big thing to take on so well done.😆

Hi i use to find it rewarding but now that i am 50 i am struggling.The kids getting more demanding to look after but i will keep battling on and hope things will change one day.As a parent you look after children and love them no matter what.My kids is what normal is for me.