Poor support network

[Dean74]

Hi guys

Ive been battling depression for 20 years, seen experts, doing medication etc but the last year has been the worst its ever been, im on a path of self destruction with my career, alcohol intake and family. I have just come to realize that my partner and 2 grown kids really dont care and would prefer that i wasn't around. I sometimes try to talk to my wife about how im feeling thinking that i good hug might help me out but she stops me mid sentence with "i don't know how to help you" she then walks off.

Im sure this is an obvious question for most but is a poor support network better than none at all? I know that right now im as close to the bottom as ive ever been but im worried that if i leave and try to start a new life that it may get worse for me.

Some advice would be appreciated 

[Jacko777]

Hi Dean74,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am really glad you are talking about this. It is a tough situation you are in but I think with the right advice you can really make some positive changes. I hope you will get some good ideas here.

I don't think your family have to be your 'support network', it would be terrific if they are supportive but what you also need is understanding. As you know it is difficult to understand something we haven't experienced or studied, if someone hasn't battled with depression can we expect them to know what it is like? You can probably find more support related to your condition outside of your family circle, like you have here, you can talk here any time, perhaps there are some other options where you live.

Personally I think that you could try and keep your family together, I presume your kids have moved out of home? You say you have seen experts and doing medication but obviously that plan needs some changes. Is it time to seek out some professional advice and support, make some fresh plans with daily small steps to recovery? You could ring the BB phone service, free and 24/7, they can certainly point you in the right direction.

I would be interested in what other types of therapy you have tried. I was on medication for a while, I got a lot out of cognitive therapy and meditation, mindfulness, spirituality and practicing gratitude. We are all different of course, finding the things that helped my recovery took time and action. Making little steps each day got me there, a little bit less of the bad stuff each day, a bit more of the good stuff.

I think your family want you around Dean, I think they just want to see you well.

Jack

[Narniakid]

Hi Dean74!

I am sorry to hear what you are going through - sounds like a pretty tough situation.

Having a strong supportive network is extremely important, however it doesn't necessarily have to be your family. It sounds like your family love and care about you a lot, but they are frustrated because they don't understand what you're going through.  This is extremely common in depression - maybe you could show them the resources here on BB for carers and families of depression sufferers.

I do suggest keeping up regularly psychologist/therapist sessions, and if you're finding your current one not as useful as you'd like, don't be afraid to shop around - I went through about 6 psychologists before I found the right one for me.

And remember the BB hotline is always avaliable to call if you're really struggling or want some professional advice.

Stay strong and be patient with your family - they just want to see you happy.

Crystal