Please help! Friend with attention seeking behaviors.

[Chelle8]

Hi,

I’m really struggling to manage a friend that has depression and has attention seeking tendencies.

He seems to make up stories and illnesses to get sympathy and attention from myself, my husband and our other friends.

I have been dealing with this for 4 years now, and it’s getting worse. He is contacting me and more often saying things about wanting the pain to go away and how he feels so hopeless. But when I ask him if he is going to harm himself in any way he says no, so I don’t have no grounds to call the police or hospital.

He says he sees a psychologist and has been to the hospital, but he discharged himself after 3 days. I can’t confirm if this true, all I have is his word. He says he has called helpline, once again not sure if he actually does this or is just humoring me.

I need help! I’m not coping with his constant texts about being so depressed. I’m not a medical professional, I have told him to call helpline, check into the hospital and make urgent appointments with his psychologist.

Im a new mum and going through my own struggles, and having him texting all the time is taking its toll.

I don’t think he would do anything, but I’m not taking that risk and I don’t want to ignore it.

He is coming over our place on Saturday to talk to myself and my husband and I want a plan rather than the typical pitty party we usually have.

Please help! Thanks in advance.

[Quercus]

Hi Chelle8 and welcome,

What a draining situation especially with a new bub to cope with as well (congratulations by the way).

I think you have the right idea to be setting out boundaries. Yes we can help others but not to the expense of ourselves. Everyone has limits. And some times medical assistance is more appropriate.

Gentle honesty sounds like a good place to start. Explaining you are struggling with bub and can't give him the level of support he wants from you.

If he's open to it you and hubby can help him complete a saftey plan (he can find one on the BB website). Focus on creating a massive list of options. Ways he can help himself. Places or people he can go to seek help. In my mind this shows even though he is overwhelming you it isn't that you don't care. He just needs to take responsibility for his own health.

Another suggestion would be finding out if financially more regular appointments with his therapist is possible? I see my psychiatrist weekly. I pay for his help so I don't feel bad about talking about whatever I need to. The benefit is I feel less overwhelmed and am able to speak to my friends and family not just about myself and mental illness.

If you feel able to discuss how you went and what helped and what didn't I would be curious to know.

Good luck and above all please try to take care of yourself.

Nat

[geoff]

hi Chelle, can I please welcome you to the forum.

I am sorry that this friend has 'attention seeking tendencies' because the more you know the person, then the more they will continually want to get your attention.

If you are having a discussion with someone else the more he will want your attention

Give him positive ways he has actually achieved something, tell him that you like him, focus on all the good things he has done in life, ask him to contact you weekly if that suits you because you are a new mum and perhaps that's why he is trying to contact you.

For example, if you love your dog and take it for a walk every day and provide all the cuddles etc., then when you bring home a baby, the dog gets jealous.

Tell him that your hands are full with the baby 24/7 and that he needs to continue seeing his psychologist who will provide the answers he is looking for and help him through this.
Geoff.

[Birdy77]

Hi Chelle,

What a situation.

I have been in similar, and it's very tricky i know.

Nat and Geoff have given you good suggestions.

Another idea for him, he could use the forums here on BB as a way to get some peer support and talk about his issues. The members here will give him plenty of encouragement to seek help and it would broaden his base of support, maybe taking some pressure off you and your other friends.

I hope you're able to create some boundaries when you talk to him. It's unsustainable, especially with a fresh bub.

Hope Saturday goes well.

🌻birdy