partner with depression pushing me away

[lmh]

Hey all,

I've been with my partner over 5 years, he's amazing, sweet, kind, funny, loving...I could go on for hours. But every year or so he goes through a time where he pushes me away, and says I'm better off without him and I deserve better and he's not good enough. 

I know he has depression, and he's said he does, but he refuses to get help for it. He won't take medication and he thinks therapy is a waste of time and money. I think he just doesn't want to have to admit to himself that something is wrong and he needs help.

Its been about a year since he last started talking like this again and pushing me away. We've been talking about saving for a house and engagement and last night he said out of no where that he doesn't want to move out because its too much money if we break up and what's the point.

 I'm hoping that this has just come about because it's a new phase in our lives and he's scared of the change. But I just don't know what I can say apart from I love him and I'm not going anywhere and give him the space he wants atm but still be there for him when he wants to talk.

What should I say /do. Do I just wait or...??

Thanks

[white knight]

Hi Imh, welcome to beyond blue forums

It could be winter. "Same time every year"? There are a good percentage of people suffering depression that fall into it during winter. Just keep that in mind in terms of monitoring him.

We get this situation a lot here, people not seeking help. You cant force them. You can however seek help yourself in how to deal with him both in relationship terms and mental illness terms. A few positive things will come out of it i.e.  a/ you'll learn how to best communicate to get him to seek help b/ you'll be clear about his symptoms and c/ he just might go along with you one day.

He might feel he is hurting you if he doesnt go along with you. Seeking help yourself shouldnt be seen as mild blackmail. Be of the view that you are seeking help for yourself to save the relationship and help him too and if he goes along one day then thats a bonus.

Denial, not acknowledging professionals can help, not believing medication can help etc are all barriers to sufferers progressing and leading fulfilled lives. It also can destroy relationships and I for one will never understand it.

I wrote the following articles here that you can use google to find- "what life's like at the end of the tunnel"   "can you force people"  "depression- our ultimate goal"  "talking to men- some tips"

Take care. Tony WK

[Chris_B]

Hi Imh, welcome to the forums.

A good place to start is our Have The Conversation page. This includes resources and tips on how to speak to a loved one about their depression, including in situations where they are reluctant to acknowledge the issue or seek professional help.

You might also want to reach out to other members who are going through a similar situation in the threads below:

My husband won't seek help

How do I get my husband to seek help?

My partner denies he is depressed and won't seek help

My depressed husband won't get help

Husband won't get help

He pushes us away - how do I help?

Pushing friends and loved ones away

I have pushed my husband away

Husband depressed says he wants to leave advice please!

Loving someone with depression when you're not sure they love you

I pushed my husband away

If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this