Partner Depressed and not Coping Getting Very Angry

[Mayas]

My partner has been suffering from depression and anxiety on and off since I met him about 4.5 years ago. This is something which he has always carried with him and has caused him to destroy his life over and over again. When he is faced with a stressful situation he can't cope and rather than dealing with the issue he gets angry and lashes out to those closest to him. Namely me. We have been living together this entire time, however, we have been under a lot of strain at times and he sometimes goes out late at night wandering the streets or sitting in his car thinking about things. He has trouble sleeping and is possibly suffering from PTSD. He won't seek help as has been previously and sees it as a waste of time. He feels none can help him and has been pushing me away. He is currently experiencing great difficulty in his work place and believes he is going to get fired. Even though I know he has had many issues at work with management and co-workers and has had to bring a bullying charge against one individual I don't think they have any grounds to fire him. I think he is just so depressed and down he believes the worst is going to happen. He has just told me that he needs to go away for a few days to figure things out. The difficult thing for me is that he won't tell me where he has gone and I am extremely worried about him as he seems to have lost all hope. He has also asked that I don't contact him during this time and said he will contact me when he feels ready as he is hurting so much its not safe to be around him at the moment. I don't know whether having no contact is the right thing to do. I don't think he could handle me calling him and wouldn't do that but maybe I should text him to show my support and love. Any advice would be appreciated. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mayas

Caring for someone you love who is depressed and reluctant to seek help can be very difficult. You can see there his unhappiness and want the best for him but your ideas and encouragement to get help have not changed his approach.

Has he had a few days away in the past when things are difficult?  Some people do find this time away helpful to recharge, refocus and make some decisions about how to move forward; but it is clear that you are worried about him. If you have any information or concern that he might be going to hurt himself then we would suggest you call your local mental health service (associated with your local hospital) and seek their advice. Talk them through his history, what has happened recently and your current concerns. They could help you to decide how best to approach the situation. If he has gone already then perhaps a text sending your support, and asking him to reassure you that he is ok might help?

Mayas in amongst all this you also need to look after yourself. The stress of the situation can be quite exhausting and it is important that you have support and care from the people around you; someone to talk to and spend time with.  Ensure you also focus on eating well, getting enough sleep and having some relaxing enjoyable time with friends or family. It is hard to be supportive of others when you are exhausted too. And if you are wondering about your relationship with your partner and how you will get through this together you might also want to consider some professional help – you could see a psychologist or local counsellor for a  while to talk about what is happening.

Maya in this community  our members offer support and care so please keep coming back, talking to us and sharing how things are going. You can share ideas with others, hear what has worked for others and importantly, know that you are not alone. And if you ever want to talk with us our support service is available 24/7, 1300 22 4636.