Partner depressed and isolated

[Jasmine_B1]

Hi,

So I've had depression and anxiety for a long time and it ebbs and flows in its seriousness, but I've been doing relatively well for while now...however my partner who also has a history with depression has recently relapsed into very poor sleep, not eating as much and then losing weight, cutting off his friends and family.

The last part is especially worrying, as I know for a fact that he struggles to confide his problems in me, because he believes I will worry myself into a bad place, so he simply doesn't talk to anyone about what he's going through, and he won't go seek professional help either.

He's working a lot which is good for keeping him busy, but when he comes home he only wants to game. We rarely see friends and our physical relationship has started to taking a hit as well...

I just really need some advice, I don't wanna just go behind his back and start asking friends to organise things for him to go to, but if he can't talk to me I really REALLY want him to talk to someone.

please help,

J

[white knight]

Hi JB, welcome

Yes, a common problem. I have some ideas

Go to a counselor yourself. This will teach you techniques in how to handle him and your situarion. The trick is, when he asks how the counseling is going dont tell him. Suggest calmly that he can attend with you and "I need your support at the counselors meeting". He'll think he is supporting you by going. Eg get him there by other means

Spontaneous ventures. Book a balloon flight early Saturday morning. Again if he doesnt want to go, go yourself. But ask him if he'll drive you there. He just might get in the basket.

Google

Beyondblue Topic is there room for stubbornness

Beyondblue Topic does stubbornness have a place?

Beyondblue Topic a good nights sleep

Beyondblue Topic the timing of motivation

TonyWK

[Purple_People_Eater]

Hi J

I've been in a similar situation. My hubby's long term depression and anxiety ended up causing me enough stress that I developed my own. Your situation may be different, but being in a support role brings its own additional challenges when the person you care for won't get any help from anyone else... and then worries about stressing you. I tell my hubby: "A stitch in time saves nine." I'd rather worry about a small problem now than deal with a bigger one later on.

I agree with what TonyWK said. Get support for yourself. My additional recommendation is to consider joining a peer support group specifically for mental health carers - and don't worry, it's okay if you have mental health issues too... Most carers get them anyway unless too they are very resilient and have lots of support (in which case they probably don't need the support group).

Good luck

PPE