Parenting a teenager with depression, severe social anxiety *TRIGGER WARNING* - suicidal thoughts and self harm

[Woocle]

My 15 year old son has diagnosed depression and social anxiety. He self harms and he is also addicted to his phone. I find myself making many allowances for him on his technology and with not going outside (particularly at the moment with self isolation being encouraged) that I would never usually make as I am worried about the self harm and suicidal thoughts kicking in again. He is retreating further and further into himself and only seems happy when on his phone or laptop. He doesn’t even talk to his friends anymore and obviously isn’t at school to see them. Every day is a battle to get him outside for just a few minutes and although I do set technology limits, I’m aware they are too generous and he finds ways around them anyway. He literally goes into a panic when he doesn’t have access for more than a couple of hours. It’s the last thing he does at night before handing it over and he’s up early to get it back in the morning. He is also not eating well, binge eating on sugar and then not eating proper meals - again a constant battle. He constantly lies about things and steals food, technology and sharp objects around the house. We have a lockable box now but he finds ways around it all. We are being seen by an excellent team which is more there for me than him as he doesn’t want to engage, he says it’s a waste of time. Medication seems to be having a slight effect but he doesn’t think so. I have another child who has to live with all this too. He is handling his brother’s mental health problems really well but I still feel he is suffering. I’m exhausted and feel like a failing mum. I would like to find a group to join where I can talk to other parents in this situation. I have a number of sympathetic friends, always happy to listen and my husband is very supportive but I need understanding from an experienced point of view. How do I find a group in my area or online?

[Sophie_M]

Dear Woocle,

Welcome to our friendly forum family! We're sorry to hear about what you're going through with your son. We hope that you find some peers with experience in similar situations here to offer you some support. It's great to hear that you've been such a supportive and proactive parent in finding such a great team for your son.

Please feel free to reach out to our community anytime here on your thread. We have sent you a private message to offer some additional support.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Woocle,

I am sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time with your son. Adolescence is a tough time as it is without throwing in social anxiety and depression. You are not alone. There are many others going through this. I have had several roles working in adolescent mental health and know that you will get a lot of value in a parent or carers support group.

You could try to contact you local headspace centre as they are often connected to these type of parent groups (even if they don't run them at the centre, they may know where one is run locally). https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/

You might also ask your health care team or the school counsellor if they have any suggestions to groups that occur locally. Or if you are a fan of social media, you could search 'parent group teenager' of Facebook and there are a few listed however I am not familiar with any of these groups but this would be one way to connect in online to something informal.

While you are searching for a parent support group, sometimes just talking to someone outside of your friend and family circle can help in a different way. On the Kids Help Line Webpage, there is a section for Parents with some contact numbers for a ParentLine in each state listed here. https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

If writing out out what is going on for you helps, post as much as you like. The forum is a supportive and gentle place. We are listening.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn