Not sure how much more I can take!

[daisydior]

My partner has Bi Polar . We have an 18 month old and I have 2 boys from my previous relationship. Im not even sure if he's even taking his medication still. 

 2 weeks ago, he came home after taking our daughter out to get new shoes at my request.  I wasn't keen on his shoe purchase, considering he doesn't have an issue with putting large amounts of cash in a pokie machine or a problem getting cannabis 

Out of the blue he says to me maybe you should pay half the rent. I stay calm and say okay. He  goes to our room takes some  clothes, comes out and yells at me, swearing at me, how I really need to get some serious help. Im still calm .He was muttering something to me and I said well just pack your stuff and go. He then took my car key off my set of keys. Our daughter followed him out to the car as she usually does and he'll bring her back and say good bye to her. This day, he takes her with him. He didn't even come tell me that he has her. She has no formula, nappies,clothes. Nothing..

In the morning (Mon) I messaged him and said 'Make sure you give Z breakfast'. About 9:30 he messages me asking what time would I like her home. I  said before 2pm.He drops her off at 11 and knocks on the door and she's still in the same clothes. , I almost forget to ask him to get the pram out of the car so I can walk to school to get the kids .He drives off even after asking about the pram. I call him and he says he'll come back that night to drop it off. It isn't any help to me then.

He comes back at 7:30pm 'Can you please open the garage I'll get the pram out for you'. I informed him that I have packed his stuff up for him he can take what he wishes from the inside also. I ask for the garage remote. He says 'No'. 

So, he has had no contact with us since monday and that was only about the rent that he isn't going to pay.He hasn't even asked to see how his daughter is which I just can't understand. Last time,he left no money not even for formula, didn't pay rent, NOTHING. So, this time I was prepared and have savings. But, Im sick and tired of living like this. All he does is eat, sleep, watch dvdd in bed, gets home late after he's worked late, but I know he goes to the pub for a drink and a play of the pokies no doubt.

 I love him , but hate him at the same time right now. I feel for him. But as a mother I need to protect my children and myself.He has said in the past that he doesn't want to change and I shouldn't make him. I suppose that's my answer.

[AGrace]

Hi daisydior,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I can imagine how frustrated and disappointed you must feel. 

All to often I hear of stories where people think they can use their mental state as an excuse for poor behaviour. Even those of us with a mental illness need to be accountable for our actions. It does sound like your partner is going through the highs and lows of bipolar, but if he is not willing to seek help then he has to face up to his behavior. 

I think you made the right call to ask him to leave. With looking after 3 children you don't need the added stress of your partner acting like he has no responsibilities. 

I understand that it must be sad that he hasn't tried to contact his daughter, but he's in a pretty bad place at the moment. It's probably not ideal for him to be around her anyway. 

If he comes back I think it would be good to implement some boundaries and expectations. You definitely don't deserve to be taken for granted. 

Would it be worthwhile you having a chat with your GP just to voice your concerns?  Have you got family/friends that can help support you at the moment? 

Hope to hear back from you. 

AGrace

[daisydior]

Thank you for your response AGrace.

I live in a smallish community and have some really close friends who help out when this happens. I would be lost without them. I also see a psychologist in regards to my partner and how to handle in all. I'm handling heaps better than the last time he did this.Right now my son is going through the appropriate testing as he may have Autism. So, lots going on really. I'm doing pretty good considering.

I received a text message from my partner yesterday. Its been 2 weeks tomorrow since he left. In the message he said ' Hope you are well. I have had the mower fixed. Would you like me to drop it off on the weekend and what does Z need, ill drop that in also. Please let me know ,P

He really is all over the place. Monday ,when I asked about the rent he was nasty and not fair and reasonable at all. Then this. I haven't actually replied yet. I mowed last week with a friends mower and our daughter doesn't need anything right now. Honestly, I don't even really want to see him right now. I love this man, but I really need to think about the children. I'm not even sure I want him to come back,I don't trust him and I constantly have the fear of him doing this to us again, like I did last time. It hurts and then the resentment kicks in. It may sound selfish, but I'm just enjoying being at the home with my children and myself. The sad thing is that none of the children have even asked where he is.

[daisydior]

Hi again, so one of my friends went to the pub (she lives where we used to live) and she saw P there also. He waved to her then she went to say Hello. She said so you're not living at home anymore. His response was 'No S is Mental, she won't let me see z (our daughter) and S isn't replying to any of my messages it's been weeks.

Who is this man ?!?! He messaged me on Friday about the mower and if Z needed anything. It's been two weeks since he left. I didn't reply (waiting to see what my solicitor suggests) and that was the only message that I have received about Z. Even in that message not once has he asked to see her or asked how she is.

He's playing the victim , and wanting people to feel sorry for him. Everyone is telling me to not worry about him and just move on.I'm feeling a little lost and hurt. I don't understand why he's being mean to me. I've always supported him, even when is his whole family no longer talk to him. He has no one else, besides the cannabis, alcohol and the old men from the pub. I really feel so sorry for him.

[AGrace]

Hi,

It's only natural that you would feel sorry for your partner, he's going through a really bad time, and is battling with a very challenging illness.

The different masks and conversations are quite typical of someone with Bipolar. I have a friend with Bipolar and fortunately she is receiving treatment But she is up one moment and down the next of she doesn't take medication.

I think I'd tell my friends that I didn't want to know if they saw him or spoke with him. It doesn't sound like this information is actually helping you, it's just getting you more frustrated.

I can understand that home life is a bit better now, and I don't think it's selfish, I think you have a right to enjoy the peace.

I'm glad to hear you are seeking professional support. I'm also glad that you've got your friends for support.

Focus on you and your children for now. All the best with your son's tests.

AGrace