Newly Diagnosed

[MinnieMouse]

Hi

My husband has recently (this week) been diagnosed with depression.  Things have been pretty bad for the last 5 months.  He came to me in October and said that he wanted out of our relationship, he wasn't happy, couldn't imagine being happy etc etc.  I fought against this as I didn't want to lose him.  We have 2 young girls and I didn't want them to come from a broken home. I feel like I've been in no mans land for the last 5 months not knowing what he was thinking or doing.  He finally went to the doctor on Tuesday who diagnosed his depression.  It actually feels like a relief for me as it explains a lot.  Although he's struggling with the diagnosis.  He hasn't been prescribed any drugs at this stage as the doc wanted him to see the psychologist first.  Who he is going to tomorrow.

The hard part for me now is knowing what happens next.  He still feels like he doesn't know if he wants us to be in a relationship.  I found out yesterday that he's formed a 'bond' with another woman and has been talking about everything that's been going on with her.  He has also slept with her so that's another thing I'm trying to deal with. He said that he didn't feel like he was getting what he needed from me so sought it elsewhere.

I just don't want to walk away from our relationship but if he doesn't want me there, I don't know what else to do.  I'm hoping the psychologist session will help him work out in his head where he wants to go but I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through or is going through something similar.  

Thanks

[JessF]

Hello MinnieMouse, this is a hard one because as someone who lives with depression and has often had tumultuous relationships, on one hand I'd like to say that it's always good to show understanding when someone has depression.  But on the other hand, poor and hurtful behaviour simply cannot be excused.  Depression or no, he has betrayed your trust by leaving you and hooking up with another woman in less than six months.  Is he as concerned about your kids as you are?  You haven't mentioned this. Is it not better for the kids to have one parent who cares and loves them and puts their needs first?  I really believe staying in a marriage or relationship 'for the sake of the kids' is an emotional fallacy. I am concerned that you are hanging on hoping that he'll work out "where he wants to go". What about where you want to go?  You have a 50% stake in this, depression or not, and your feelings and wellbeing matter just as much.  I am sorry if this sounds harsh.