My son has C PTSD

[Kat64]

Hi everyone hope you are all doing ok

My son is 17 years old he has C-PTSD from childhood trauma as we where a bad relationship with his dad / my ex I have been with counsellors for years but its hard because my son has self eletive mutism and wont speak to counsellors he wont open up to anyone and refuses to let anyone in.. im the only one he talks to but only about general things... Is this total shutting down and refusing to let anyone help him part of CPTSD ??? Thank for taking the time to read this

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Kat,

It sounds as though you’re (understandably) worried about your son. I can only imagine your heartache and anguish from watching him struggle. But I’m so glad he at least has you in his life, because you sound very supportive and seem to want the best for him. I think that’s beautiful...

Your son has clearly been through a lot with his past trauma. I would think he must still be hurting...a lot too...

I don’t know too much about CPTSD, and I wouldn’t be qualified to say if his elective mutism was caused by that or not (as I’m not a professional here). I’m just an average person reaching out to you...

If it helps, I have a friend who, like your son, had elective mutism for some years due to their past trauma. For them, I think it was a coping mechanism of sorts...at least that’s my interpretation of it...as in, their trauma was so horrific that they just emotionally shut down, and part of that shutting down was elective mutism.

In their case, for them to finally (& slowly) start speaking again, they had to feel safe and that they trusted the person they were speaking to. Based on observing my friend, I think verbal communication can be hard if there’s trauma, so alternative ways of communication can be helpful...

So my friend’s mental health team initially used things like objects in the room, small rocks to hold, drawing, written communication, etc to help them communicate their pain. The team was also very patient to help build trust.

Eventually my friend opened up, but it took a lot of time, and to this day, they still sometimes shut down...its not my friend’s fault, but sadly it’s just the nature of trauma sometimes.

Even today, sometimes when I’m speaking with them, I can see their eyes glaze over and I know withdrawal is happening...I try to bring them back into the here and now by mentioning things that are happening right now...

Sorry, I’m not sure if that was helpful. But I thought maybe sharing some of my friend’s experience might bring you some comfort (as she did end up talking in the end).

I hope you’re finding your way around the forums okay, and please know you’re welcome to write any time here. We are here to listen and support you. There’s no pressure of course, but just know this is a safe space to chat.

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[Kat64]

Hi Pepper

Thank you for your suport and the story of your friend it helps to know someone else has got help and improved with trauma and self elective mutisum , I worry about my son 24/7 and live in hope that one day he will allow himself the chamce to get better because that what he deserves and more, je is a beautiful soul . Thank you again for your kind words and support it means alot

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Kat,

You’re most welcome, and thank you for your lovely words too.

I felt your love for your son through your words. He sounds like a very special person. I realise it’s hard watching him hurt and suffer...

I think you’re doing all you can to help him. Sometimes with trauma, I think the greatest help that a person can offer is their presence, patience and unwavering support. I don’t know you personally, but I have a feeling you already offer that safe landing space...

When my friend has been particularly triggered or suffered a flashback, sometimes she just needs someone to be there. We don’t even have to say anything, but just be physically there to remind her of the here and now. I feel as though you’re already doing that for your son (being that physical presence) and even if it may not feel like much, sometimes it’s the best you can do...

I have a lot of my own troubles, many of which I haven’t ever even mentioned to my own psychologist (& not entirely sure I will be able to in the near future). So, in my own way, I understand some things about your son.

I emotionally shut down a lot when certain things come up. While I’ve never had self elective mutism, but with certain topics, I physically cannot talk about...the words get trapped and it’s as though my emotions take a short holiday.

I can still speak, but it’s all cognition with little emotion during those moments. So, in my own (different) way, maybe I do understand aspects of your son’s struggles (if not all of it)...

My psych is currently trying to get me to talk about certain things, but it’s a fine line between pushing and pushing too hard. I emotionally vacate for longer (and sooner) if I feel threatened. It’s not a conscious thing either...

Sorry, I’m not trying to make this about me. I’m hoping that maybe if I talked a little about some of my own struggles that maybe it might help you understand your son a little. I’m not saying our experiences are the same, but perhaps there’s still some overlap...

Keep being the beautifully supportive and loving parent that I know you are 🙂

Kind and caring thoughts to you,

Pepper

[CKS]

Hi Kat

You sound like a wonderful Mother. I can feel your son's hurt. I had trauma as a child and until 3 and a half years ago I found it very difficult to open up about it. I am now 58 years old. So I am hoping your son will develop the trust in someone to share his soul with, sooner than later. Then he can heal and improve his quality of life (and yours).

I have found particular types of writing to be very effective in expressing myself authentically and healing my hurts. One of the writing methods my husband and I have used is as follows:

You both need to believe how powerful words can be. Sometimes we cannot speak the words we want or need to. With this in mind, one of you needs to select a word for the day for this activity. It does not matter who chooses the first word, but try to pick a word that has some meaning for you. Perhaps one of the following words will help – fear, identity, help, lonely, happy, sun, moon, addiction, love, trust, respect, sorry, heart, mind, together and regret.
Next, both of you must write a sentence with that word in it. No more than one sentence. At the end of the day, swap sentences with each other, but do not communicate about the sentences just yet. During the second day, take your time to absorb what your loved one has written. Ponder its meaning and/or its potential to improve the situation and communications between you both.
The whole point of this activity is to provide another forum for you to openly communicate with each other about sensitive or emotional issues and thoughts.
On the third day, schedule a time to meet to discuss the sentences. Discuss the meaning each sentence holds for you, and share how that sentence makes you feel.
Let a further day go by, then allow the other person to select a word for the day. Follow the same process.
If you are struggling to express yourself, your fears may be interfering with the flow. Remind yourself that fear has no place in your heart, particularly today. This activity is all about feeling safe when you are expressing yourself. Remind yourself that you are wanting to achieve something very special with your sentence. Trust yourself, ask your soul to help you find just the right words. If you can acknowledge your hurts along the way, you will heal those hurts.

Dear KAT

I think this type of activity would work well between a psychologist/psychiatrist and your son to start communications flowing and establishing trust.
I have no characters left. Take care

CKS

[Kat64]

Thank you Pepper

I dont anyone has described or even noticed what I do for my son like you have

That was the nicest thing I heard and I truely appreciate it it made me notice how hard I work with him I drive him nuts at times but im the only one really that his has and trusts

And please dont feel you made this about you as it does help and gives me hope when I hear other people talk and I which i could help you to but i dont have the answers like a therapist

You sound like a very genuine lovely person and people that have those traits deserve all the love and care they can get

So you keep your chin up and be very proud of yourself for getting help and being so kind.

Wsrm regards and thank you

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Kat,

Thanks so much for your very beautiful post. Your kindness actually made me tear up...thank you for being so lovely.

I know you very work hard to be there for your son. Your Love leaks out through the words here. I think having that 1 person who can offer safety and unconditional love is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to someone who is hurting...it gives them a safe space. For your son, that person is obviously you...

Sometimes when we talk about mental health, I think we often accidentally overlook our support teams...families, friends, partners, communities, etc who are there for us, day in, day out...so thank you to people like you, for all that you do 🙂

Your encouraging and heartfelt words meant a lot. Moved me...I don’t think you (or anyone else) needs to be a therapist to support me (or anyone else) though. Sometimes, all we need is someone to be there...

At least that’s my experience anyway...sometimes a hug, a reassuring hand on the shoulder, just waiting with us at reception when we are waiting for an psych appointment, making us a cup of coffee, unexpectedly sending us flowers, etc...sometimes those wordless gestures can mean the world...

There’s a pretty famous book called “Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine.” It’s fiction, but it touches on trauma and how human kindness and connection can help heal. Some people find the main character a little annoying, but if you persevere through the book, I think it makes a lot of sense how she became that way...

Thanks again for being so lovely. Feel free to write in any time to chat, share, vent, etc. No pressure but just known this is a safe space.

Thinking of you and your gorgeous son. Thank you for all that you do for him 🙂

Kindness and care to you,

Pepper