My mum is depressed. Need advice

[Bb23]

Thank you for reading this and helping.

 I am 21, and live in a house with my mum and older sister. In the past few years we've dealt with loss of family, divorce, financial issues, mental health and lots more. 

My mum is now working 6 days a week and we are just getting through financially. I work part time and go to uni full time. Along with that issue, she also struggles with body dysmorphic issues, past abuse history and my own depression. 

My sister keeps starting personal fights with my mum and telling her how badly mum is dealing with the situation, how the lack of money is horrible, and how stupidly sad she is being. All this makes things a lot worse. 

I try so hard to compensate and make mum happy by takings care of the housework, contacting her during the day, and always talking openly. But it doesn't seem enough and I am worried that she is going to break soon and completely melt down. 

i still have three more years of uni to go, then I will be able to fully financially support the family. But until then, I have no idea what to do. I'm at the point where I feel helpless and don't know how to help. 

Thank you you very much 

[Jacko777]

Hi Bb23,

Well it sounds like you are doing what you can around the house to help your mum, keep it up. Perhaps it might help your mum if she could get some professional support and advice, she could try the BB phone service. Fighting with your mum as your sister is doing won't probably help, however it is important that we let our loved ones know when we think they are suffering and there is something they can do about it. Can you take your sister aside and do some research together on how are the best ways to get mum to find some help, (there are resources on this site) seems like you and your sister want the same thing. Your sister sounds frustrated and we can all understand that.

Ultimately it is up to your mum if she wants to seek help, perhaps you can set the example by staying on track with your own recovery, show her that action can change things for the better. 

I hope others here will have some ideas for you, hang in there, talk any time.

Jack

[Bb23]

Thank you for your advice Jack,

it has given me lots to think about and look at. 

 Thank you again! 

[Narniakid]

Hi Bb23! I am sorry to hear of your troubles, however I applaud you for staying strong and supporting your mother despite the tricky situation.

Firstly I think your sister is a bit frustrated at not only your mother, but at herself - I don't think she knows how to help, even though she wants to. I agree with Jack - definitely take her aside and let her know that, yes, it is okay to be frustrated and upset at the situation, but be aware that it is ultimately making it worse off for your mother. Look into the different support options for not only your mother, but for you two as well - supporting someone with mental illness is a battle in itself. Beyondblue has a ton of helpful resources and booklets that you can view here on the website or can get mailed to you for free (See 'Resources' - 'Order printed information resources').

As for your mother, gently suggest that you and your sister love her dearly and are concerned for her wellbeing, and let her know that there are lots of services available, including the BB hotline. You cannot force someone to get better, you can only support them. Let her know that you are doing what you can to help, but it will get better if she decides to make a change and seek help.

Hang in there and chin up! You're doing a really good job!

Crystal 

[Bb23]

Thank you Crystal, that means a lot!