My mother is in denial about her anxiety

[Anna27]

My mother has not been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but I suspect that she is a very anxious person. When I was a child/teen, her anxiety manifested in her being extremely overprotective/controlling of me. She wouldn't let me eat unhealthy foods, go on school excursions/camps/stay over at friends' houses (because something bad might happen) or even brush my own teeth (because apparently I wouldn't do it right and get cavities).

Now that I'm living out of home, she has focused all of her worrying towards herself, and is now convinced that everything is making her sick. She's always had digestive problems, which I think are caused or exacerbated by her anxiety/stress, but she refuses to go to a doctor and instead is diagnosing herself online and seeing natural healers who are advising her to avoid her triggers. The problem is, the list of things that she is sensitive to is getting longer and longer. She has cut out many foods from her diet (dairy, eggs, gluten and a long list of vegetables/fruits on the advice of a naturopath) not because she is allergic, but because she believes they are bad for her health and make her sick, and she only eats organic food because she thinks that non-organic food is toxic. This stops her from going out with family/friends because she can't eat anything at a typical restaurant. She might be suffering from nutritional deficiencies because she is cutting out so many foods and doesn't eat much food (she is becoming very thin). She believes that she is sensitive to chemicals and electromagnetic radiation (she has diagnosed herself with "Multiple Chemical Sensitivity" and "Electrosensitivity"), which means that she can't be around people if they're wearing perfume/deodorant, can't go to public places/cities because of all the WiFi networks/radiation etc. She is slowly cutting out more and more from her life to try and ease her symptoms/anxieties but is sacrificing her quality of life in the process.

I've tried to explain what anxiety is to her but she doesn't understand. She thinks I'm claiming that her non-specific symptoms are "all in her head" and gets really defensive. I've tried less confronting approaches like writing letters but she won't listen. My Dad agrees with me but won't back me up in front of her because he thinks that's just the way she is (because it's all happened slowly over the years) and can't be helped.

It's only getting worse and she really needs help. I just don't know what to do. Advice?

[Jacko777]

Hi Anna27,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am glad you have posted, obviously this is a concern for you.

It's a tough one because a lot of the things your mum is saying she is allergic to are indeed not that healthy. Of course she thinks she IS improving the quality of her life and partly she probably is. I guess if her health deteriorates your Dad will make sure she gets help.

I know it can be hard to watch but your mum, like every person, has her own free will to do as she pleases. I had to watch my Dad smoke cigarettes until he got sick, he knew they were unhealthy but he did it anyway. I had to find compassion for the man, rather than be responsible for my Dad. Try to conserve the energy you lose to something you cannot change.

Perhaps you could search the resources on this site, run the checklists and see if she does fit into a mental health diagnosis. Wish I could be more help, keep us posted.

Jack

[Kaksta]

Oh my gosh, I found myself nodding as I read your post Anna. I am in pretty much the same situation with my mum. The overprotectiveness when growing up, eliminating things from her life that are making her sick, avoiding perfume, paint, and other chemical smells etc etc. She has pieces of paper posted all over the house with reminders on how to look after herself and things to avoid. Everywhere. 

I have tried broaching the subject with her on numerous occasions, but, like your mum, she gets defensive and thinks her behavior is normal. She seems to think I am insulting her whenever I suggest that she could be suffering from anxiety and this could be contributing to her never-ending headaches, not the ever growing and changing list of things that she won't eat, drink or go near.

The thing that bugs me the most is that even though I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, she refuses to consider that perhaps she may have anxiety. Then when I tell her about my struggles, she listens sympathetically and says things like, "Oh, it must be so hard for you". OMG!

In all seriousness though, my sister and I are very worried about her as she has started doing things like disappearing after an argument. It is incredibly frustrating to not be able to help her. I find that I can't cope with it myself so I am limiting my time with her lately as it only adds to my own problems.

I am sorry, I don't have any advice to offer, obviously. It is just nice to be able to read something like this and say "me too!' I hope that both of our mums at least talk to someone eventually and get help so that they can properly enjoy the rest of their lives.