My husband and mother are both depressed

[Mira]

Hi everyone,  my husband has severe depression and suicidal thoughts which has been going on for a very long time. My mother who lives with us also has depression but continuously denies it. My husband who is currently unemployed due to his depression is seeing a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist. It seems to be helping him somewhat. I am happy that he is responding to treatment but I am at the stage where I will need treatment soon. We are in financial stress and I am working 10 hour shifts just to be able to pay the mortgage. I am stressed and with my mother also having depression they don't seem to see that I am under pressure. I don't know how long l can go on like this without loosing  my temper and doing or saying something that will damage our relationship. I am constantly in a bad mood and I don't want to feel this way anymore. The biggest losers in this drama are our children. My oldest can cope to some extent but my youngest acts up and has anger fits all the time. I don't know what to do anymore. Your help would be greatly appreciated. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Mira

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming to this site and posting your message to the community here.

It sounds like what you're living in is getting to be like a bit of a 'family pressure cooker' kind of environment, so it's very good that you've been able to come here and seek out assistance, support and advice.  I hope that between a few of us we might be able to make suggestions that you may find useful.

With all the stresses that are affecting you, do you feel it's time that you possibly need to seek out some kind of external professional assistance for yourself?  I mean, here we can give our thoughts/suggestions on what we think, having lived with similar kinds of experiences or just that we live with depression ourselves - but we aren't qualified in any way.  Well we are qualified as we live with depression, we just don't have a piece of paper on a wall telling the world that.  🙂

With everything that you've described, it seems like you need one massive break - you need to be able to get some Mira time for yourself - but from what you've described, I can't see where that will come from.

I don't know if this is something you've contemplated, but I really think that you need to perhaps seek out some professional help yourself - to get some support of your own - because if you go down in a heap, then the wheels of everything will fall off.  Do you think you might be able to get along to your GP and to give them the background of what you're experiencing - dealing with?

Mira, I hope that I've said at least something that might be useful to you - and I do hope that you can come back and let us know how you're going?

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Mira, soon you are going to have your own breakdown, working 10 hours, looking after the kids and trying to help your husband and your mother.

Firstly your mum is in denial, because she doesn't want to be seen as a depressed person, which would be a mirror image of your husband, so she wants to make believe that she is OK, but she doesn't realise that you looking from the outside can tell that she is depressed.

Are there any siblings who are prepared to look after her, and share the load, that's only fair that they do, or maybe suggest respite, which she in fact may feel as though she is being thrown out, but you can just say that you need a rest, and that you are exhausted, worn out and struggling, and maybe this could happen every month for 2 weeks in respite, she may in fact like it.

Maybe the same could happen with your husband and that he needs to be in hospital, because of his suicidal thoughts.

Please don't get me wrong here by suggesting these above measures to be carried out, and I don't want to seen as just 'getting rid of them', but fairs fair, you desperately need a rest yourself, because it's an enormous effort that you are doing at the moment, and it's all becoming too much for you, and that's completely understandable.

Sorry if I seem to be a bit pushy, I don't mean to be, but your own health plus the kids health is just as important, you are doing far too much. L Geoff. x

[Mira]

Hi Neil,  thank you for your advice. I have made an appointment with my doctor for Monday and hopefully he can recommend a good councilor for me. I will let you know how it goes.

[Mira]

Hi Geoff,  it's my birthday on Saturday and surprise my husband and kids booked me into a day spa. I can't wait! I spoke with my sister the other day and she has agreed to take mum to her place for a couple of weeks. That is a huge release for me. I thank you for your help and advice.