My girlfriend has depression, dealing with it.

[Liam_Kenny_Rick]

I just wanted to share our story,

I have been in a relationship with (not real name) Sally for about 17 months, she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and recently bi polar. I have exams that will affect my whole life in about a month, her illnesses make it hard for me to concentrate and even though we've talked about this she doesn't understand that the nearly nightly arguments are hurting and distracting me. I love her and I want to be with her but she cant afford professional help and the NHS waiting list is nearly six months long. She blames me for the illness and we've nearly broken up several times. I would end it and finish my exams in the hope that we could get back together after but im scared for her safety and I cant bear the thought of leaving her. everything is going wrong and i feel totally out of control and i cant help or support her because i say the wrong thing or i do the wrong thing and every time i just make things worse.

 The worst thing is is that she's alone all day, she has no job or school and although shes starting uni in September im still at college and if i do badly in these exams im going to blame her for them, i know i shouldnt but i will.

[Queenie]

I seems to me that Sally needs to get help for herself to help her manage her depression before she can be a part of a loving relationship.  You are young and just starting out on life and even though you love her, it sounds to me that you are not the person who can give her the support she requires at this time.  Can you speak to her family about her depression? She needs to have a strong, secure support base and should not be relying on you.  I am speaking from experience, because like you, I tried to support my husband, but my own insecurities and anxiety (which was magnified by his depression) made things almost impossible. The black hole has a way of affecting everyone associated with the depressed person.  You are not the reason for her depression.  You have to look after yourself also.

[geoff]

dear Liam.Kenny.Rick, well Queenie has made some good points.

Let's look at you in 5 or 10 years time you don't know whether the both of you will still be together, maybe, maybe not, but you have to do these these exams so that you will succeed, so this means that her family or someone else will have to look after her.

If she can go to her doctor he/she can organise 10 free visits to any psych one that is available as soon as possible.

She needs to be put on medication that will control her moods, and secondly I know that you love her, so this relationship can be picked up again after your exams, because even in 10 years time and you don't do well in these exams you will always be blaming her fot this. Geoff.