My dad is drinking again and I feel powerless.

[EllEamej13]

Hello. I'm hoping someone here can help. Growing up my dad drank a lot. My mum had her number of mental health issues and their relationship always appeared very toxic. My dad was also always in a high pressure job. He's verbally and almost physically aggressive when he drinks or he acts giddy and over the top motivational. I can tell. I moved out of home a ago. During that time my mum and him finally got divorced and both seemed happier. Dad got a new girlfriend. She's simply lovely and he always talks about how happy he is. But I just found out he's drinking again. And not just a little. 12 cans with a game of football and with his girlfriend there. He hadn't been working for about 5 years but he just got a full time job. My sister also has special needs and he's become a full time career (that was mostly my mum's responsibility much of her life). But things seem okay. I can't understand it. And being out of home, I didn't even know until my sister told me a couple days ago he isn't okay. Tell me, what can I do? My dad is traditional, doesn't believe in seeking help, he's always been great at denying there's an issue, I'm not sure he'd even know. He's been in a state of drunkenness for years so much some people don't know. He stopped for the last couple years. We got really close. When he drinks, he's just a scary person, when he doesn't we have long beautiful conversations. I don't want to lose him. I just feel I can't get him back. Without being there, I can't talk to him. I think I'm the closest person to him. Maybe I'm rambling. But honestly, I love him so much it breaks my heart.

[geoff]

Hello EllEamej, can we thank you for being courageous to post your comment, as it's something I've seen many times while running a hotel, quiet people change as soon as they drink and become aggressive.

In this position, alcohol is his constitution, and unfortunately, not knowing or denying how much or even if he changes once he starts drinking, which is also a concern when anyone with this problem begins.

Being the carer for your sister who has special needs could certainly be a worry, especially when he's intoxicated.

People like this are so difficult to explain what they're doing because they refuse to accept the fact what they are doing and how they change and are entitled to drink, and I can't say whether or not he should stop, but maybe when he realises that the talks with you have changed, may alter what he is doing.

I just want to post this off to you, because there is much more to talk about, and I'm by no means a doctor, only had to cope with other people in situations similar to this.

Look forward to hearing back from you.

Geoff.

[EllEamej13]

Thank you for your reply. I think you might be right. It might just be that nothing can change, especially as he is stubborn and he's had a drinking problem for such a long time.

I've only ever seen him become close to actually physically aggressive when people have challenged or insulted him. So physically I feel my sister with special needs is relatively safe. My other sister and my brother are living there too. My other sister has also become a primary carer for my sister. She often struggles with my dad's aggressive behaviours and is often belittled by my dad. She was the one to bring his current drinking problem to my attention.

I wish I could tell my dad that the conversations have changed. However, I've found it difficult to actually get time to talk to him. With him working full time and being a full time carer, often I'll call every day for a week just to tell him something. He often has to rush off to take a business call.

Thanks again for your reply. I really appreciate it. My dad is a passionate Tigers fan too!