Mum is lashing out

[Thxlcc]

Hi I am after advice. My.mum has always been a bit hard for people to deal with and has made some pretty outrageous accusations over the years. But now she is in her 80s it's like someone has opened the floodgates. She has no threshold and is making more and more irrational accusations about family members I am the only daughter and recently she has turned on me. It is relentless If I respond to it she tries to get into an argument if I go along with it she just moves onto another accusation. If I ignore her she gs upset because I am ignoring her. If I try to show her the facts it doesn't even register. No matter how clear it is she is lying she just doesn't register. I believe she truly believes this stuff. I believe the floodgates opened after she had a general anaesthetic a few years ago. She has had a couple more operations since and her behavior really deteriorates each time. Any advice on how to deal with this? I'm frightened what she is capable of.

[therising]

Hi Thxlcc

My heart goes out to you as you struggle with the overwhelming challenges you face regarding your mum.

The deterioration after each surgery leads me to ask whether your mum's B12 levels have been checked (not just B12 but Active B12 also). Personally, I would be insisting this be checked out, if it hasn't been already.

B12 levels may have nothing to do with the cognitive decline, although there is info out there regarding the impact of surgery/anesthetic (leading to cognitive decline) on patients who have pre-existing B12 deficiency. The more surgeries the more severe the deficiency becomes, if left unchecked.

Personally experienced this some years ago, in my late 30s/early 40s, after gallbladder surgery. Mentioned to a few doctors that I just didn't feel right, physically and mentally. Weeks passed before the deficiency became so significant that I could barely function. Blood test revealed severe deficiency. The B12/surgery link can often be overlooked in older patients especially as it can be regarded as 'normal' for there to be some impact after anesthetic. It's definitely frustrating when 'normal' to a health professional proves torturous to family members who are left to face the true everyday challenges.

I'm hoping this gives you an avenue to explore, in the way of making a difference. I know it may not help entirely but thought it worth sharing.

Take care and remember to treat yourself to some much needed support and stress relief.