Hi losing a grip, welcome to Beyond Blue forums,
Yes, we rarely ever seek our full potential. That's the way it is. We have to trade our intellect for as much stability we can muster, wait for our depression cycle to be on the "way up" before we can put into practice any positive thoughts and plans. And a lot of the symptoms or fall out from having this mental illness stays with us every day. And if you have days the symptoms of fragility are not there....you wait for them to reappear as you know that black dog is nipping at your heels.
As I've mentioned on these pages many times, people with mental illness that have difficulty holding down a full time job should make strong changes to their lifestyle. Ideally a part time or casual job whereby the pressure and expectations of maintaining a full time position are not there.
This would likely need a revamp of your lives. Financial restructure, a move to cheaper rent, maybe to the city fringe, down trade your home etc etc. Whatever it takes to keep you afloat easier. Even the sufferer thinks they can maintain full time work for a time only to take excess days off due to depression. Our ability to hold down a full time job with a normal average attendance record is almost fantasy.
"but won't or can't seem to put the effort in to give herself every chance of a happy life." Medication IMO proves she cant. ok. Tiredness wise, imagine if you were forcibly woken at 3am after 3 hours sleep then told you have to walk 5 kilometres. At the end of that walk you return home and collapse in bed again. That horrible tired feeling is what one feels 100% of the time when under some medications. I worked shift work for many years and it is the same rotten unmotivated cloudy feeling.
So what can you do?
Some would say not much. But I dont believe in that. You can help her and she can help herself. That would make two persons managing this problem as a team- quite a force. Much better and more effective than a sole person. You can -
a/ Keep her thinking realistically without allowing her to think unrealistically. Remind her that her thoughts are not helping her if they are negative.
b/ Regular reassurance. Assure her its ok to have a nap or to wake up as late as she needs to get as much sleep as possible.
c/ Encourage her to keep her doctors visits to review her medication especially dosage.
d/ The least alcohol the better. Learn to enjoy life with just a few drinks.
e/ Spontaneous thrills. Find some fun. ballooning? etc.
take care
