Just need to talk and get some advice

[ozdi]

Hope this is not going to get too heavy but I really need someone to talk to today. Our son is dealing with Social anxiety and depression but I have also noticed he has severe anger issues when things go wrong. Today he had his first job interview in a long time and rang to confirm the details and the workplace knew nothing about it, this caused his stress levels to rise and then I said the wrong thing by saying that maybe he was putting road blocks in the way to going to the interview, well all hell broke loose after that. He smashed things, punched things, head butted things and also said some hurtful things to me. Then I had to prevent him from harming himself. Is this level of anger normal with social anxiety/depression or could there be something more to this. Really need some advice as somewhere in there I know my son still exists if you understand what I mean. We understand that the things he says and does are not meant to be personal but how do you all cope and what can I do when he gets this angry.

[Croix]

Dear Ozdi~

Welcome here to the Forum, it's a pretty good place to come for advice, and trying to look after a son who has depression, anxiety and anger problems is a very hard thing to do. As you would know there is no frame of reference, no way to know what to expect, and sadly no guide book as to what to do.

Smashing, punching, and attempting self harm are way beyond what one should expect and really need professional help to counteract. I would imagine your son is already under treatment for the anxiety and depression, his medical team really do need to know about the severity of his reactions.

For a job interview to fall though is very disappointing, though I'd guess from what you said you might suspect your son never made the appointment - my apologies if I'm wrong. Either way your son has to be able to cope with such difficulties.

Yes your son is there, just as I was, however it's masked by the illness which is very real. A most worrying and upsetting thing for you.

I'd like to ask about your support with all this pressure. Are you all alone trying to deal with all this or do you have family and friends to give you care and support? It makes a world of difference.

It would be realy good if you could come back and talk more

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Ozdi~

I have just read your poem "I Cry" which I did not know about when making the above post to you.

It is a very moving cry from your heart and all the more upsetting because it shows so clearly the anguish you are going though.

When one loves another and simply can't make things better no matter how hard or how long one tries then disappointment and frustration and concern can turn inwards into self-blame. I don't know why that is but it happens a lot. I felt it when my first wife was very ill for a long time.

I am pretty sure my words won't make much difference but I'll say them anyway - you are falling into a trap, sometimes there is no quick or easy answer and all one can do is ;love and endure and do whatever one can.

Please seek help for yourself, medical help, counseling, respite and share the load if at all possible. You need to lean on others so as to get though this.

You are a lovely caring person.

Croix

[ozdi]

Thanks so much for your reply and words of wisdom. Currently it is just my husband and I dealing with our son. Our daughter knows about the issue but sometimes not the severity as I don't want to upset her. Most of the extended family are aware but also once again not how bad it is or the reason why. I will look into getting some sort of guidance through the mental support unit here for myself and hubby. His medical team or doctor I don't think are fully aware of how bad his reactions get, as he is an adult I don't get to talk to the doctor on my own. I do get to speak to him after my son has seen him first and then I get to go in at the end of the appointment but he stays in the room so it is hard to be brutally honest as I don't want to upset him. This is the first time I have ever reached out to anybody as I have always thought it best to just deal with things on my own, so thank you again for taking the time to respond.

[Croix]

Dear Ozdi~

I'm glad you are going to get assistance for yourself and your husband and will try to let your son's doctor know what is happening. It is essential if the treatment is to match the illness.

Sometimes being brutally honest is the only thing to do, even if it does give your son a new challenge to face when he hears it. Actually if he has an extreme reaction in the surgery that might not be such a bad thing. Can I suggest that even if your husband does not go into the surgery he be on hand to ferry you and your son back home after?

Later on when your son improves I'd suspect he will be grateful for your honesty.

I'm also glad you and your husband are both together and can support each other. Two have more strength when together.

Croix