I'm struggling to support my boyfriend

[Wopha]

Hi there,

i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he has always been one of the most optimistic people I know. 

In the past month or so however he has been steadily declining and now tells me he feels like he is happy when he is doing things but sad always as a general feeling. The other night he was at a party and halfway through ha to leave because he felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness. He is talking more about his feelings to me which is a positive and he still goes to work, sees people etc which is another good sign. He does however think he might have early stages of depression or mild depression but is reluctant to get help. I have recommended different things but ultimately it has to come from him to want to get help.

 basically I just want advice on how I can best support him in this situation, because it's getting hard for both of us when there's so much negativity 

[white knight]

Hi Wopha, welcome

Self diagnosis, you should tell him, is not the way to go. I thought similar in 2003. Went to a psychiatrist with the belief I had ADHD as I'd read a book on it )ADHD in adults by Weiss). There was a character in it, a Los Angeles policeman and he was me.!! The doctor agreed and a short time later diagnosed depression. However after 6 years of being on medication mainly for ADHD (none of the 11 tablets worked in fact they gave me huge problems) I went off the medication.

Then I got a second opinion. Two psychiatrists sat in on the interview. The result- depression, dysthymia (a constant form of depression low mood), bipolar type 2 and anxiety. Very much a difference. I was given medication for same and what a difference. 6 years later I'm still on the same medication and my wife and I keep getting happier.

Try to convince him to go to his GP. If he doesn't I have one idea. Go to a counsellor yourself. On the pretext that you are seeking ways to cope, ways to get him to go to a GP, ways to save your relationship. With any luck when he asks where you are going tell him. If he wants details on your visits don't tell him but ask him to join you.

If you are this effected by his stubborn stance then he isn't being considerate nor loving in helping you to cope. And that needs to be looked at strongly by you.

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Wopha, hello and great for you to join the forum.

One good thing is that he is talking to you, but I feel that he has a sensible mind also from you, but now that he is talking about it which other people can do, they don't fully tell you what is troubling them, but I'm not so sure he knows what he is trying to cope with, and I only say this because if you click onto 'Resources' at the top of this page, you /he can order All the Printed Material from BB, it's all free, but the information it provides is excellent, as it explains all types of depression, why where and how it may happen and then what to do, so I think that if he read some or all of the pages would help him understand what he has to face.

If he reads this then he maybe encouraged to seek help, and please let us know how he is going. L Geoff. x

[pimmento]

You are going through a sensitive time with your man.  Men can have feelings that stop them from seeking the right resources to help them through depression and anxieties.  Maybe you could show him some well known people who have been through therapies such as CBT and are working on their depression and anxiety in this way.  You sound supportive and of course you are right, he needs to want to go and you could start by finding the right one, go yourself, if he prefers to talk to a man then find a male counselor, I did meet an amazing counselor and he told me that he informs his clients very clearly on their therapy and has great success.  Geoff gives you good information as well here, and I do think that it is encouraging that he is telling you, so maybe he is reaching out and opening up to you because he trusts you to help him through.  If he works on it in these early stages he will be able to overcome and move forward, I say that because I like to be positive.  Being positive is what we all need.  I would like to hear more from you .........pimmento