I don't know how to help!

[Dean_S]

Last weekend my partner slipped into a major depression cycle.  This week has been exceptionally tough on him and me as he has not stopped crying for 4 days. BeyondBlue provided me with a contact for the Mental Health Centre and we have had some counselling over the phone and I was able to get him to the Dr's yesterday, with a counselling session set for Monday night.

This morning he was woken and still started crying.  He is very embarrassed, concerned how his work colleagues will react to him, feels humiliated and worthless.

 I have tried to provide a shoulder and listened to him.  I explained that today he will feel very tired as he had a big day yesterday meeting with the Dr for the first time and he has had a tiring week so being tired is expected (i don't know if the is correct but seemed to calm him).  My work has been supportive and allowed me to work from home prior two days as I could not leave him alone due to his mental state.  He had talked about ending it all during one of his crying phases.

I am really concerned that he simply cannot stop feeling so sad.  I have never seem him like this and it is tearing me apart not being able to help.  I don't know how to help with his feeling of shame about it all.  I think no less of him now and have told him this and have always used the words "we will do this together" etc.

I feel like I am rambling a bit but I needed to be able to put this into words.  Dr's said they don't think it is depression, but provide anti depressants anyway and referral to Counsellor for Monday.  I am just not sure what else I can do across the weekend to support him until the counselling session on Monday.

I would appreciate any advice that may help us great through the weekend.  I am very tired myself with long nights of being up holding him and listening.  I am not sure what else to do.

Thanks
Dean

[Pixie15]

Hi Dean,

Not sure I know exactly what to suggest to help you. It is possible to cry for other reasons though not just major depression. Your partner's doctor may be right. Has your partner had an experiences lately which he could be grieving.

The first couple of weeks of taking anti depressants can be an especially difficult time and your partner will need your support and reassurance over this time. It might be good to reassure that it is OK to be emotional and cry if he feels better after crying.

Is there anything you can do to maybe distract him a little. It may help to get out into nature, do some exercise, eat some comfort food if he has an appetite.

Best wishes,

Grateful.

[Unloved_wife]

Hey Dean,

 I know its hard to watch someone you love cry and feel so worthless. I've been going through similar with my husband and now myself.

Just be there, put on his favourite movie, the'll probably not notice but even 5 mins of him not crying will be bliss.

Does he have close family? Maybe you should get them involved? Or close friend? 

You'll read this a lot on here about "looking after yourself" It took me a while to understand what that actually meant. 

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Its going to be long and tough. So share the load get friends or family to come over. Then once he is stable take an afternoon go and get a massage or whatever! Be nice to yourself. See a doctor about yourself.

My husbands crap has dragged me down and I'm now suffering anxiety and depression.

Just be there for him and get him to the doctor on Monday.

Wish I could help more... Stay strong.

[Unloved_wife]

Hey Dean,

 How did it go today?

 Are you ok?

 xx

[geoff]

dear Dean, sorry for the not having replied back to you, but sometimes people posts just slip through the cracks, but it's good that you have posted a comment.

I have a feeling that some major details concerning him may have been held back from discussing his issues with the doctor, because firstly Beyond Blue have suggested contacting a Mental Health Centre and his doctor has prescribed AD's, and wouldn't do so for any other reason or shouldn't do so, because they wouldn't prescribe cold tablets if you have hay fever.

It does appear that he has depression because of his crying, being tired and then wanting to end his life, but I am not qualified to make this diagnosis.

It's great that he has a friend like you to comfort him, but it's also very stressful for you, because looking after someone who is so deeply unsettled and perhaps depressed is hard demanding work, because you just seem to be jumping up and down on the same spot, and don't seem to be achieving anything, so this means that you too have to see your GP.

Please let us know how his counselling session has gone, so that we can keep in touch. Geoff.