How to get information across to my husband

[Jo3]

Hi there,

If someone can give me some advice pls on how to get my husband to read up on information on depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder.

I have been suffering these mental illnesses for 3 yrs now and my husband just doesn't get it.  He doesn't understand what it's like for me to be depressed and to behave in a negative way because of BPD.

I have tried to get him to read on line information but he would be in it.  I found a BB booklet that I had from last year and he looked at the cover and that was it.

 I don't know what else to do apart from dragging him to my GP or psych, which I don't think he will be happy about coming.

Ive tried explaining it to him a while ago and he turned around and said it's my problem and that was it.

 I feel so lonely without my husbands support, just wish he could understand.  If he just sat down and read some information on depression and borderline personality disorder he may understand how I am feeling/coping.

 Hope someone can give me some advice.

Thanks

Jo

[Stephen123]

Ok Jo, I think the posts go through some sort of filter and if it doesn't make it through it go,s to moderator. I,ll look forward to reading it. I,s good that you,re seeing thpsych so soon sounds like you,re steaming ahead with progress, good on you, have a good day.

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, thanks for the update, I don,t want to say anything to undermine your psych but doesn't it suck when they tell you what you don,t want to hear. I,ve got this thing going about workers comp at the minute and my wife and doctors just want me to drop it and get on with a positive life. I was hesitant at first but slowly I,m coming around to their way of thinking. You see I see them as 'normal people' and for me to live in their world it would seem that I must do what they say, but my obsessiveness and mental illness keeps holding me in my mental world. I,m sorry this is just coming off the top of my head here I,m not sure if it,s going to make any sense to you. But back to your psych, your psych doesn't live in your house and see what you see, he doesn't experience the times when your husband go,s off and is unsupportive. You're  not asking for much Jo, just asking for a shoulder when you,re having a full blown panic attack and being refused, being told that it's your problem. I hear ya Jo but I,m sorry at the end of the day I,m convinced that we must listen and act on what the psychs have to say because if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here. You,re not asking for much Jo just your husband to be a bit more supportive. Can,t your psych just offer some advice on how to obtain this support? I just wish I could offer some advice on how to get your husband to be more understanding but I,m sorry I can,t think of anything. Maybe try and rekindle the relationship with a nice night out, surprise him with something he likes and then say " I,ve done something for you now how about you do something for me" and get him to read the booklet or get that guy to talk to him. Just something to make your husband come to the realisation that you need as much support as possible. Sorry for rambling on Jo I hope some of it made sense. Good luck jo it's good you're seeing the psych tomorrow I hope you have a better session.

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

Just came home from work and sometimes some people at work give me the shits!!! They do not much at all and I end up having to do more than my share.  I work in pharmacy and there is one particular women who will not do much; well she does do a lot of one thing - talk!!! So irritating.

Thanks so much for your reply.  I think my psych might be right in saying that once I am using my skills and improve my husband will improve as well.  He says that I'm the one that needs work on (sounds like I'm a car!!) but I think he's right.  I do understand it must be hard for my husband and kids because i tend to isolate myself so much. We are actually going away next weekend with another couple so that will be nice just to get away.  

I get so angry with my psych because he pushes and pushes me and he tells me things that I don't want to hear about myself and most of the time it's true.  I think he knows me far too well.  

If I can pluck up some courage I will talk to hubby about my concerns, it's just that I don't know why but I always get scarred of talking.  Maybe I think he will abandon me just like my parents did.  

Anyway, another session tomorrow will be good because yesterday's was not very productive, I sat there in a fit of rage while listening to psych go on and on about me and my husband and what I do.

I hope you're doing okay, I seem to ramble on about myself so much.  I;m sorry. Thanks for chatting with me, it feels i have a friend that understand me.

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, you sound a lot more happier and settled today, there is always one at work! Try not to let it bother you too much.

I think it,s good that you,re coming around to the psych,s way of thinking, I'm sure he,s got your best interests and good health at heart, but try not to be too hard on yourself, you still deserve all the support possible from your family. Sure you might need a bit of work but it,s amazing what an engine rebuild can do, sorry trying to be funny there, not my strongest gift, humour.

it,s great that you guys are going away for a weekend just what the doctor ordered, I hope you really enjoy yourself Jo, you really deserve it.

i think it,s a good idea that you gently speak to your husband, I think you,ll know when the time is right and I know you,ll put it the right way so,s it doesn't scare him. I think you guys have probably been over the worst of it and I think if hubby was going to leave he would have done it by now. Imagine if you just put in a bit of work you,ll be able to enjoy everything with your wonderful family.

i hope you have a wonderful session tomorrow, try not to be too hard on your psych as well, you said it yourself he,s brought you a long way, ( thanks to all your hard work of course) try and give in to the psych Jo I think he is the one with all the answers. I think if you fight him it,ll just prolong the agony. I,ve completely given in to my doctors and I,ve found myself ending up in a pretty good place.

it,s good that you can chat with me and get rid of some doubts and fears. I feel like I,ve found a friend as well. I hope you have a good session tomorrow Jo I,ll look forward to hearing about it please let us know how you go. Goodnight Jo

[Jo3]

Stephen,

Sorry, it's me again. I'm not feeling too great, I have a shocking headache, feel depressed and have hit rock bottom all of sudden with thoughts of suicide.  Nothing has really happened, I am just sick of fighting this damn depression and everything else I have.

I feel confused, head hurts and i am so damn depressed. 

I cant understand how I can feel good one minute with my last response to now this.  I think i need a good night sleep, i woke up twice during the night and now feel so crap and exhausted.

Stephen, why do our bodies react to stress, depression.  We do we fight this, i should just let it go and let it be, but no not me i have to fight all the time. i think it's time to give in, even to my psych.

looks like i know what we'll be talking tomorrow in session.

i will keep you updated on how session goes.

i am sure i will feel better in the morning, when i have had a good night sleep (hoping)

Jo

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

I feel like that you understand what I'm going through.  Thank you for supporting me.

Well, last night I wrote back that I was pretty depressed and kept thinking of suicide.  No don't worry I'm still here.  I don't know why I keep thinking about that, I know that I wouldn't act on it as I love my husband and kids very, very much.  

I guess the moderators need to read my post first before putting it up here.  

But today is another day and I feel okay, I'm actually looking forward to my session with my psych.  We are working on dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and mindfulness today.  But I think I need to tell him about my thoughts.  And I know what he'll say - it's only a thought and thoughts can't hurt you.

As much as I am hard on my psych, he knows me too well now and he loves pushing my buttons to see how far I will go.  But we have a fantastic relationship, it feels like I'm seeing a friend than a psych because I can tell him anything and everything.

Hope you're doing okay, I'm sorry for rambling on.  It always seems to be about me. Sorry.

Hope you have a nice day with your family.

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo, it,s good to hear that you feel better. I think it's important that you let out your emotions good and bad times. Please if you do feel bad please keep reaching out. Great news about your psych. If you get a chance mention mindfulness to him and ACT I don,t know what it stands for , acceptance therapy or something. When I did read your post I didn't worry too much because I had read your post to shock and it sounds like you have done a lot of work on that subject. I think you,re doing really well Jo please keep going, we are all there for you.

[Jo3]

Thanks Stephen

It feels like I'm pouring out so much about myself and you're prob sick of reading about me and my ranting and raving.  I'm sorry.

I feel sometimes I need to let it all out as I don't feel I can at home with hubby.  And I know I can let it all out with my GP as he just sits there and waits for me to let it all out and then we talk.  He sometimes has me in his rooms for 1/2 hr.  And I always walk out in tears (imagine what the other patients think - gee he must be a pretty tough GP!!!) But he is an amazing doctor, I couldn't have found a better doctor than him.  I am so grateful to have so much support from GP, psych, hubby (at times) kids (rare) and you guys on here.  

Anyway better go off to my session with psych now, hoping it will go a good one.

Take care and thank you so much for your support. I really appreciate your help in helping me get through some of my toughest times ever.

Have a nice day

Jo 🙂

[Jo3]

Hi Stephen

Had my session with psych.  We worked on mindfulness and he did an exercise where I sat there and took few deep breaths while he talked.  He made me first tense my feet then relax, then calves then relax, right up to my head and shoulders. He then made me think of colours and I was in such a deep relaxation state.  It was amazing.  I felt like I could stay there forever!!

We talked about this and I am now going to use meditation music on my phone and for 5 minutes practice what I learnt today, but doing it on my own; which I find a bit more difficult than when my psych would guide me through it.

Actually feeling crap, my blood pressure is sky high and my head hurts again.  I've phoned my GP who said if it doesn't go down I need to go to emergency.  I just wish all this would go away. 

Why do these things happen - abuse, depression, anxiety mental illness etc etc?

They take it's toll on a persons body; and I know my body has taken it's share. From high blood pressure, to migraines, to shingles, to anaemia to feeling so damn emotional.

Going to try and get some rest and I need this blood pressure to go down; easier said than done because the more you worry about it the higher it gets.  I just can't win - i feel like it's a losing battle and I don't know where I stand - maybe 1/2 way.

You know I think I have always had the BPD traits and symptoms but it was never diagnosed until 3 yrs ago.  But I remember when I was 17 I ended up at Royal Melb Hospital to be told by one of many doctors that I needed to see a psych - can't remember why they even suggested that.  But when I got out and told my mum she instantly said - "oh no you don't need to see one, there's nothing wrong".  Mmmm, if only I went then I may have been diagnosed then and not be suffering so much now.  It's so hard to change when all my life I have been set in one pattern of thinking and behaviour and now it needs changing.

Anyway, I talked a lot today, I'm sorry again for ranting.

take care

Jo

[Stephen123]

Hi Jo sounds like you had a good session with the psych, we had our own best kind of family therapy, a day at the beach. It was a great day. Mindfulness is a great therapy. Sorry to hear about the blood pressure. Try and rest up and meditate as much as possible.

imagine if you had have seen a psych all those years ago. I think therapy takes years to have any sort of effect. For me I was in a bad job and I was removed from it and the last 3 years has been intense therapy to try and get me back to normal. I,m just enjoying the break and the rest for the moment. Still better getting the therapy later rather than not at all I reckon.

please don,t be sorry for anything I think that is exactly what this site is for. I hope you have a good nights sleep and a good rest tomorrow, you deserve it. Goodnight Jo.