How do I support him :( help!

[Brookie]

My partner and I have been down a very rocky road in the past 12 months. But he finally got some help from his GP and was put on some medication. That was 6 months ago , however he has never tried to deal with the underlying issues. It has just been masked by a drug, that doesn't seem to be working anymore....Lately he has been acting strange. very cold towards me, very distant and doesn't seem to know what he wants at least half the time these days. I am struggling with being pushed away by him when I feel like I need to be pulled close, and hugged or something. I look into his eyes and I see a very broken man. I don't know what the right thing to do for him is. But I have organised a doctors appointment for him this week. And a counsellor session for both of us. God I hope I am doing the right thing.  Can anyone relate???? I feel very alone

[JessF]

Hi Brookie, please hang in there. The fact that your husband has agreed to a couple counselling session is a great first step, as is the fact that he is being treated for depression. A lot of couples in your situation have problems even getting the partner to realise there is a problem. You are right about the underlying issues, the pills help but they are not magic, dealing with our feelings and thoughts is just as important if not more so. What's the right thing to do? You are already doing it Brookie, you are being there for him and doing your best to work things through. You are not alone, but it is very hard not to take things personally when a partner is depressed because that's what we do - push away our nearest and dearest. Perhaps he feels he doesn't deserve you, or that he is a burden.  Those are the kinds of horrible thoughts that run through your head when depressed.  In the meantime, just try and be there as much as you can and try to lead a normal life.  Do the things you would normally do together, let him know you are there, but try not to be too smothering.  Please keep talking to us and let us know how the ccounseeling goes.

[geoff]

dear Brookie, thanks for joining the site and the want to either overcome depression or to help someone else, which you are trying to do.

This debilitating illness is such an awful illness that it can destroy relationships, marriages or any connection between two or several people, so that it leaves a bruise on anybody concerned.

Medication can make us feel better but the underlying problems still have to be resolved, because they can't just be pushed aside as they will keep coming back to annoy us, and can be sparked off by anything at any time.

You have made the right decision to book an appointment, I just wonder how you will get him to go, especially as he seems to be pushing you away, but hopefully you will find away to do this, as it is very important that he does go.

Get your doctor to book the 10 free visits to see a psychologist, and I only mention them because from experience I prefer them rather than psychiatrists, but other people have different opinions.

Please get in contact with us. L Geoff. x

[Pixie15]

Hi Brookie, A few years ago I got my partner to see a doctor about his depression by threatening to leave him. When he first went on medication although he said he felt better and seemed better in some ways he was really mean to me for a long time. Although this was not his first depressive episode it was the first time that he had help. He has been improving recently and I am hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Living with a depressed person can really drag you down. It seems good that you organised the appointments I hope that works out OK for you. You can end up anxious and depressed yourself. You need some support. You might need to find a way to get hugs without him for awhile. I have been tempted at times to walk away but at some level I just know that no matter how bad I feel his suffering is worse and I know that in the past we have had good times. I am sorry I do not have any easy answers.