How can I help my boyfriend with depression?

[Sylph12]

Currently I am struggling to help my boyfriend with his depression and I am wondering how I can help him to seek out a psychologist.

I was diagnosed with depression myself last year and since then have gone to a few sessions with a psychologist. I found that it really helped me and I wish that my boyfriend could see the benefits of seeing one.

He has never been officially diagnosed with depression, but having had it, as well as seeing multiple family members struggle with it as well, I think that he does have depression and/or anxiety. However he is very adamant about not getting professional help and hasn't even told his family about his concerns. I've noticed that he has been like this since I met him a year and a half ago, but he has told me it's been a lot longer.

The pressure is really getting to me as his best friend and girlfriend as I am still struggling with my own mental health. I managed to find a blog post that accurately describes how I feel, even with our different types of depression being represented as well.

https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/partner-needs-therapy.htm

However, I don't know how to talk to him about anything to do with this topic because anything I say will make him upset. I would like him to be open to the possibility of seeing a psychologist, or even a GP to get an actual diagnosis from a medical professional.

His refusal to seek help is making things quite hard for me to look after both myself and him too. Honestly I don't know how much longer I can keep it up before breaking, but I would hate to have to separate from him. I really love him and I hate seeing him like this without any willingness to get professional help.

Do you have any suggestions for this situation? (Sorry for such a long message)

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sylph,

You clearly love your boyfriend very much. I feel the love and care through your words. He obviously means the world to you and you want the best for him. That’s absolutely beautiful...

You’re sounding understandably overwhelmed though. It can be so tiring trying to look after your own mental health and support a loved one as well. A fine balancing act...

I’m glad seeing a psychologist has been very helpful to you. Although it sounds like, at this current point in time anyway, your boyfriend may not be ready to open up yet. All this is clearly taking its toll on you though...

My gentle suggestion is if face-to-face help is more than what he is ready for right now, I wonder if he would be more willing with an anonymous service? For example, anonymous helplines like BeyondBlue on 1300 22 4636.

Perhaps you could compile a list of helpline numbers and send them as a text, put them on a business size card for his wallet, etc. I suppose it’s just as long as it’s an easily accessible format.

He may be wary at first of helplines m, but at least the information would be there if he ever feels the need to talk to someone... and he would be able to do that anonymously too.

That is just a little idea, and you can see if you feel it’s suitable or not. I thought that I would share it anyway....

There’s no pressure but just know that you’re free to write any time you like. It can be about your boyfriend, you or anything else you like. We are here and we are listening.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Sylph12]

Thank you Pepper! I will see what I can do, even if it's just planting some suggestions that he can work through at his own pace 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sylph,

You’re most welcome 🙂 Thanks so much for the lovely reply.

I believe there’s a link on the BeyondBlue website called National help lines and websites. I think you might find it helpful in terms of compiling a list of resources for him. Just a gentle idea if you’re interested...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Jessl]

Hi Sulph

I’m a new member to bb.org . I sympathise with you.

I’m currently going through a hard time, I recently reconnected with an ex, I hadn’t seen for 5 or 6 years.

We hit it off really well & declared our love for each other. It seemed we both wanted the same thing. We agreed to establish a relationship & give it a real go but it was short lasted & suddenly he was withdrawing from me & said he couldn’t have a relationship right now & couldn’t give me what I need because he feels bad & has anxiety, also social anxiety & feels it in his stomach & chest & he feels trapped.

This happened as soon as his children left him to visit their mum for the holidays.

I don’t want to suffocate him, I visited him once in the past 4/5 days but on the other hand I want him to know I care & I won’t judge.

I’m worried as he’s not medicated. I think about him a lot but don’t know how to help. I’m not sure if I should continue to check on him as he made it clear he’s not able to have a relationship & that’s what I want & I don’t want to ruin any chance of that happening.

I want to help him but I don’t know how coz he pushes me away, can anyone give me some advice. Should I keep showing him I care & keep trying or let him struggle on his own until he comes out of it