How can I convince my partner to seek help?

Concerned_girlfriend · ‎09-05-2014

I am very concerned for my boyfriend; he has showed signs of depression for the last 18 months, on and off, more on recently. He has admitted that he is not happy but not that he is depressed. I asked if he would like to see a shrink, but he said he has seen one before and it didn’t work so what is the point. I would like him to see the GP for advice but I don’t think he would, he can be very stubborn. I don’t know a lot about depression, I want to be there for him but if he does not want to help himself, what can I do? My main concern is that our relationship might end over this as I am finding it very hard to be happy myself around him when he is low. Or that he might do something silly. Any advice is much appreciated

Neil_1 · ‎09-05-2014

Hi there Concerned Girlfriend (or for the purposes of this post, CG)

Welcome to Beyond Blue and “Well done” to you on coming to this site and placing your post on this site. I wouldn’t have to guess too much that your boyfriend no doubt wouldn’t have made this move, due to you saying that he can be stubborn. So it’s a very good thing you’ve done by coming here and I think if we push gently enough and in the right places, we just might be able to source out some assistance for him.

CG, you do sound like a very caring and supportive person and he’s very lucky to have you – and let’s hope it can continue that way as long as we can get this man of yours to take some positive steps in the right direction.

Thank you for telling us that he’s seen a psychiatrist/psychologist previously – and you know, this is the unfortunate thing with these people – they ARE needed by us (sufferers) but the really difficult part is to “find one” that is suitable to you. So it doesn’t surprise me one bit that the first one he saw last time wasn’t a good fit for him. It “can” take a number of different tries before you find one who you develop a repoire with. I took years to find one, but goodness, don’t tell him that. 🙂

My advice on this occasion would be this: on this website, Beyond Blue have listed a whole stack of GP’s that you could possibly do a search on. The thing with these GP’s, they are on this site because they are all fully trained in dealing with mental health issues.

As such, if your boyfriend could go see one of these GP’s, along with giving him a proper and informed diagnosis, they would then be able to refer him to the most suitable psyche judging the issues that he’s facing. Along with this, there would no doubt be the possibility of medication as well – and if this does happen, please be aware that they can take between 5-6 weeks before they really begin to have their effect.

I do hope that he can take up this offer – and you know, if he’s willing to do it, it might be worth even trying to see if he’d allow you to go with him to the GP – just so that you may be able to try to understand depression a little better and to find potential coping mechanisms, not only for him, but also for yourself.

I hope that my post has been of some use to you CG and I would also really like to hear back from you as well – to keep us in the loop.

Kind regards

Neil

Concerned_girlfriend · ‎10-05-2014

Hi Neil and thanks for the message. I want this to work more than anything.

Thanks for the advice on the GPs, I will look into this. Tomorrow we are sitting down to do some goal settings as I really want try and motivate him. I would also like to bring up the GP thing tomorrow as well but am unsure on how to say it. Maybe I should wait until I have done more research before I try to bring up the depression symptoms.

His past has not been pleasant at all, there have been a few failures (in his eyes) to boot. I cant relate to anything he has been through.

Thanks again Neil, it is nice to have some support.

geoff · ‎11-05-2014

dear CG, it doesn't really matter how much research you do on the net or whatever, it seems to be enough, let alone assimilating with his depression, because there are so many variables, and for each person they are all different.

I am pleased that you are trying to motivate him, however if he has depression in a bad way, then most of his answers will be 'yes I'll try', but unfortunately this is one quick way to end the conversation about his depression, so maybe he is still in denial, even just a bit.

People who do have a terrible past, see it as so, and it's sometimes that they wished that it had never happened, and in most cases they are right, it's an awful experience for them and this can linger on for many years, however they don't accept that it maybe part of depression, although it definitely leaves 'a bad taste in their mouth', and it's recurring, but what they believe is depression is something else.

Maybe you could say to him that you would like him to go and see a GP, because you believe that he is depressed, and that it is affecting our relationship, which I don't want, I want to be happy again, but without any help our relationship is going to suffer.

Sorry I don't want to sound to be forceful, but just a suggestion. L Geoff. x

Concerned_girlfriend · ‎11-05-2014

Hi Geoff,

thanks, love the suggestion, it is along the line of what I was thinking and would be comfortable saying. I got sprung crying in the bathroom this morning so he knows that I am upset and worried about him but I didn't have the right words in my head. I need to approach the subject today as I don't won't him to worry about me or think he has done something wrong.

Thanks again for the help and support

CG

Neil_1 · ‎11-05-2014

Hi CG

I hope that you are going ok at the moment and that you were able to make some suggestions to your boyfriend and even more so, that he was appreciative of what you said.

I think there's a few of us who would love to hear back to see how it's going.

And again, good on you for coming here and seeking out advice - that's a wonderful step you've taken.

Neil