Hoarding problem

[Guest_342]

Hello.

I have a relative with a significant hoarding problem - the the extent that there are no longer any places to sit in the house, the kitchen and bathroom are barely useable and you cannot see the floor (I have to walk on rubbish about an inch thick).

I have helped previously - about 10 years ago - and the house was beautifully clear and clean afterwards. But the situation has become much much worse now.

They have agreed recently to accept my help to gradually make the house liveable again. I am being very careful not to pressure them and to be sensitive to the stress of it and the reasons for it being like this in the first place.

Does anyone have any tips on how to encourage them to keep the house tidy once it has been cleared? One of the biggest issues is that they compulsively buy things - mainly gifts for other people (which never end up leaving the house) and items they just don’t need. How might this compulsive buying be addressed?

I care about this person and want them to enjoy their home.

[quirkywords]

gelati,

What a caring person you are to help you cousin.

Alas helping someone close to you with hoarding disorder can be both frustrating and emotional.

For friends helping with someone who is hoarding it may lead to frustration when you put a lot of effort into cleaning to see everything back to how it was .

Some say it is about anxiety and others say loss.

Hoarding behaviour is less about the stuff’, but more about the meaning people attach to these items .For people who hoard, some items may be considered potentially useful in the future. like your cousin and the presents that are bought but never given.

Sometimes it may be better to fo us to focus on the person and not their possessions. If someone cleans everything up and throws things out people can become upset and the place will eventually be a mess again.

would your cousin talk to the doctor or a counsellor.?

There maybe a local hoarding project in your area that may be able to help you.

I have hoarding tendencies and I do get annoyed when people have told me to throw everything out. I realised I needed help to make my place so I was not ashamed to have guests over.

These are some suggestions and you would know what maybe best way to help your cousin.

Quirky

[geoff]

Hello Gelati, I appreciate your comment because it means so much.

I'm about to log off but this has caught my eye, hoarding could mean a few issues that need to be diagnosed by a doctor, but as I've experienced this myself and been told by my doctor that I have anxiety and with this OCD maybe a reaction and hoarding is attached to this illness.

Can I get back to you tomorrow.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest_342]

Certainly, Geoff 🙂

[Guest_342]

Thanks so much, Quirky.

I was very sensitive in asking her about the clean-up and she is now looking forward to us spending some time together on this project. Also I appreciate that throwing stuff out will be an issue.

There are some serious underlying issues and she already sees a doctor but I figured I might as well ask, and it was met with appreciation.

Thank you so much for your caring response. Any tips you might have in helping to keep it under control would be great.

Best wishes.

[geoff]

Hello Gelati, I've known several people who have had a hoarding problem because their belief is to ensure that possessions do not go to waste or to discard any objects that have little to no value.

These elderly men had a path made in their house from the front door to the kitchen and then to the bedroom because clothes, books, newspapers, magazines, soap, shoes and whatever else filled the room, while the front and back yards were stocked with anything.

They believe that an item will be useful or valuable in the future and can't be thrown away or it has sentimental value or it's unique and irreplaceable, I've heard all of this so many times.

If the house/flat is being rented then the real estate can request the place to be cleaned up or they will have to move out, but with OCD it's not easy to try and convince someone to discard or not do a habit unless it's done by a professional as this has been the case for me, although my OCD is in a different form.

Other places to contact are,

-Kids Helpline (telephone and online counselling for ages 5-25) — call 1800 55 1800.
Mensline Australia (online counselling and forum for men) — call 1300 78 99 78.
Lifeline (anyone having a personal crisis) — call 13 11 14.
OCD? Not Me! (online OCD treatment program).

SANE 1800 18 7263

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Guest_342]

Thanks so much, Geoff. I really appreciate the time you’ve taken to send me your thoughts and advice.

It is a difficult problem, and the houses you described sound like an exact description of what I have recently observed.

The fact that she has willingly agreed to see if we can tackle it together gives me some hope, so I’d like to see how we go. But I will certainly keep your comments in front of mind. I’m not going to be pushy at all.

[geoff]

Hello Gelati, one of these houses the elderly chap had boxes of new shoes, that had never had been worn, half a dozen tea chests that were full of expensive soap and boxes of cereal, let alone clothes, magazines and newspapers right up to the ceiling.

State trustees were concerned that there wasn't any title to the house and wanted me to clean it out, it wasn't found and the chap had to go into a nursing home, unfortunately.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Goldenrod]

Hello, I've been on these forums before to deal with my issues, but this time I'm seeking out help for a friend; he has been hoarding things for at least 20 years, and still lives with his parents.

He has been unable to keep any sustainable relationships, mostly due to the hoarding taking up so much of the living spaces he inhabits. He is a nice and thoughtful person, and some of the stuff he finds is very valuable - a lot of it is salvaged from rubbish bins, and the things that some people are willing to just throw away is INCREDIBLE. Ebay would have a field day with some of the stuff he's found.

But it's the OTHER stuff... some of it could be considered a biological hazard. Used tissues kept as firelighters, clumps of hair saved from hairbrushes, old newspapers stored in a damp garage...

Yet, I have to give him his agency. I have done some research and I understand that the change has to coem from within him alone. He's the one who has to acknowledge his traumas. I can only offer his support and empathy.

However, I'm frustrated that there doesn't seem to be any strategies available for them. I'd like to tell him that there are ways of managing his collection, that he doesn't have to stop collecting entirely, but I'd also like to tell him that there are steps to take... I just don't know what they are!

I'm tempted to tell him about my situation, to say that I too had a crisis and recognised that I needed help. I want to give him the number for BeyondBlue and tell him to keep it, that it's okay to call them when he's ready, that he is loved and respected and he is not alone.

Incidentally, I accidentally stumbled across a resource that some of you may find helpful. The comedian Corinne Grant went through a serious hoarding phase in her life - and she managed to get out of it. It took her years of self reflection and understanding, but I think she made it okay. The book is called "Lessons In Letting Go" and I've actually loaned it to my friend to read (as he's a fan of hers too, though I don't think he's read it yet).

Sorry to hijack the thread, but I thought it might be good to share this with you. Thanks again for your understanding.

[quirkywords]

Golden rod.,

What a kind person you are to care about your friend.

You understand many of the issues involved.

Would he go to GP as a starting point maybe with you if he wanted.

There are lots of services for people with hoarding issues.

This one has fact sheets and lots of information.

https://wayahead.org.au/get-the-facts/hoarding-disorder/

there are services in local councils so check where you live.

I know loss and grief is often associated and people need to be in control of the cleaning up.

Quirky