Helping a friend with OCD

[Qatya]

Hello,

I was hoping for some advice on how to help my best friend, who has OCD. He has managed his condition for many years, but recently his obsessions have escalated and are starting to impact his daily life negatively again. He has started avoiding social gatherings because he is worried the locations may be "contaminated", and he is refusing to open his letterbox and use certain chairs in his house because "contaminated" people have touched them. He no longer feels comfortable inviting me to his house because he is worried I may have been in "contaminated" locations while I have travelled for work.

I have talked to him multiple times about seeing his doctor and a psychiatrist to get help, but he says he has done this before and he is still struggling with his illness so there is no point. He can't seem to see that he was feeling better for a long time before this flare up of his symptoms so the treatment must have helped him in some way in the past.

I'm not sure what to do to help him. Should I just listen to him when he shares his feelings or should I challenge them? Should I keep pushing for him to seek medical help or is there another option I could suggest which he may find more acceptable?

Thank you all for your time and advice

[Summer Rose]

Hi Qatya

Welcome to the bb forum. You sound like a warm and caring person and your friend is lucky to have you.

My daughter has OCD and I have supported her over the past 9 years.

Your instincts are right, your friend needs professional mental health treatment.

The thing with OCD is that it is chronic, it never really goes away. A person can get on top of their condition (like your friend did in the past) but OCD always seems to be lurking in the background and waiting for an opportunity to strike. It is relentless and very tiring for the person who is experiencing the illness.

Your friend knows the battles that lie ahead. I suspect he may be finding it easier to let OCD in right now than to deal with it. Trouble is OCD won't stop, it will continue to ask more and more of your friend, until likely becoming disabling if left unchecked.

However, suggesting your friend to restart treatment is akin to asking him to climb a moutain blindfolded in a snowstorm. I think your message needs to be that, you know it's challenging, you know he's scared but the evidence shows that treatment can work (his past experience). Then, if it's possible, volunteer to go with him. You could even offer to make the appointment (he probably can't do that right now).

Yes, you can challenge his beliefs. But kindly and gently. You never do OCD. A simple "I'm okay with this level of contamination" will do. My only proviso with this is that depending on how unwell he is, he may find this really challenging and upsetting.

I'm almost at the word limit. Happy to keep talking and answering any more questions to support you.

Kind thoughts to you

[Qatya]

Hello Summer Rose,

Thank you so much for your detailed and thoughtful reply. I had not thought that re starting treatment might be so difficult and exhausting a task that it would be too overwhelming. I will suggest to my friend that I could attend an appointment with him if he would like my support.

I think I am worried that he will not want my support because he has already indicated that he has concerns about me being contaminated. I'm afraid that if I push to see him, it will make him worse, but I also want to keep checking on him to make sure he is ok.

Thank you again for the time and care you put into your reply.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Qatya

You are most welcome. I hope it goes well with your friend.

If you get the opportunity, remind him that things can get better.

Kind thoughts to you