help with my girlfriend

[danceawhile]

Good morning all

I really don't know where to start...

I live with my 24 year old girlfriend who was diagnosed with GAD and Clinical Depression about 5 or 5 years ago. Over the last 2 years we've been together she has been taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist on and off. A few months ago her new doctor changed the medication she was on and started well taking her tablets and attending her appointments but after a few weeks stopped taking the new medication because she didn't like the side effects.

She doesn't seem to be suffering from the depression as much as I used to see in her but the anxiety has gotten much, much worse. She used to deal with it fairly okay. Out of a month we would have 3 'good' weeks and then 1 really bad. The last 6 weeks or so have been terrible for her. Non stop anxiety, fixating on issues from years ago - some of the smallest things can turn into crippling stomach pains and hours spent on the floor crying - an email from 3 years ago, somebody she met at the shops, did so-and-so from her old job delete that old text about so-and-so...  These are the types of issues she has always dealt with and I do have some understanding as to why but recently instead of dealing with just one issue, she is dealing with multiple and the effects of these are worse than I've ever seen before.

I convinced her to start taking her medication again and she has been back on it for a week or so but as yet there hasn't been much of an improvement. She is going to start seeing her psychologist again (who is currently on leave) which I believe will be once a month. To be honest, the sessions seems to make her worse for a few days afterward.

Nothing has really changed for us lately. Same jobs, same house, no major family issues (she is majorly concerned about her mother who is dealing with the death of her own mother and quite depressed), no financial issues or typical triggers I've read about. I recently told her that I want to marry her and it seems since we've spoken about these things, marriage, kids, buying a house it has gotten worse. 

She tried to explain to me that the happier she gets the worse her anxiety is.  Something from her past is going to come back and ruin it all for her. She doesn't deserve to be happy. She's going to mess up somehow resulting in me hating her for the rest of my life etc. She seems to be forever looking for a reason that something just around the corner is going to pop up and destroy her life or the life of those around her.

She is so exhausted, I can see it in her face. She is so, so tired. She often says (and I truly believe she wouldn't act on it) that she just wishes she could die because she can't see how there is any other way out of it all.

I'm slowly helping her take positive steps - back on her medication, visiting her doctor, eating healthier... when she has a good day I'm going to try and get her outside, in the sun for some physical activity, hopefully get her back to the gym and so on. Obviously I can't rush these things because if she isn't ready, she isn't ready. I understand that.

Please, is there anything else I can do? Is there something I'm not doing that I should be? What am I doing wrong? What else could be triggering these anxieties? Why have these last few weeks been so intolerable for her? She's been off her medication before and it never got this bad.

I would appreciate any advice you have at all, please help me help my beautiful girl. She is such a lovely human being she deserves all the happiness in the world and it is so horrible to see her like this.

Thank you.

[Chris_B]

Hi danceawhile,

Please try not to blame yourself for what is going on.  It sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can.  

Have a look at this section of our website, there is a resource called the beyondblue Guide for Carers – Caring for others, caring for yourself - it has some really useful information about how you can work with your girlfriend to support her and also to make sure that you have enough support for yourself, as living with someone experiencing anxiety or depression is a difficult thing to deal with on your own.

Link:  http://www.beyondblue.org.au/resources/family-and-friends/caring-for-someone-with-depression-or-anxi...