He wants to leave

[UnsureBlossom]

My husband has depression.  So far this has been the worst lowest he has ever felt. He is wanting to move out and says that me and the kids are clouding his judgement as to what he wants to do in life. Im afraid he is going to run away and never come back to us. Am I being selfish for not wanting  him to not go and remind him of his role as a parent and a husband. He says he feels numb and he has no love for me. But only a few days ago he would tell me and msg me that he loves me throughout the day - everyday.

Im in so much shock that he wants to leave. I been his support system from the start when everyone else shut in down and now he wants to leave me.

I feel so alone and miserable and dont know what to do.

[lwater19]

Unfortunately I don't have much advise for you, but I can tell  you that you're not alone. My partner is the same. He tells me he doesn't want to be with me anymore on a weekly basis. It's so hard. Just try to remember that although you may be physically alone, you're not the only one suffering like this.

[Rockpool]

Hey there, I also don't know the answer, but am also going through something similar with my partner. Part of me feels that this could be part of having depression - that's how i feel with my partner anyway and I've read a lot of posts about similar situations. I'm sorry this wasn't much help, but like lwater19, i wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Do take care of yourself and kids, and remember that there's a bunch of people here who will listen to you. Best wishes xx

[geoff]

dear UB, and thanks for coming to the BB forum, where different people will give you support and maybe suggestions that might be of help to you.

When someone in a family or relationship has depression they maybe being told that they will get better, or ask him/her what is the matter and why are they depressed, and there's nothing wrong about doing this, however this person which is your husband here, has no idea why has become sick with this illness, and because he can't give you an answer, he wants to go away so that he can have peace and quite.

So it's really catch-22, as I remember my 2 sons asking me constantly why I couldn't get better, as they knew that when someone gets sick they become better in a couple of days, but it wasn't happening with me, so why.

If he does go away he will want to come back eventually all being well, but when he is by himself he won't set up any counselling or go to his doctors, he will just brood and perhaps could become worse, so what I suggest is that you could do this:-  go and see his doctor and discuss his depression with him/her,

 - discuss about seeing a psychologist and who they suggest, because an appointment will need to be organised and by the time it's due he may have come back home, and your doctor can stipulate that he's not home at the moment etc,

 - click under 'Resources' at the top of this page and order all the 'Printed Material' from BB, it's all free, but the information it describes is so worthwhile, and will help your kids learn about this illness,

 -he will sms you and the children constantly and return a reply by saying that you are here to help him and love him, this will entice him to come home.

He knows that he is a husband and father and to keep reminding him of this will push him further away.

I would like to continue this discussion including Iwater and Rockpool because it is certainly an enormous worry for all of you, and please all of you take care.        L Geoff. x