Girlfriend with depression has left me

[flashi86]

Hi everybody! A few months ago my girlfriend (who suffers from depression and is currently on anti-depressional medication) left me after a year of being together. Throughout this time i knew from the beginning that she was diagnosed with clinical depression and that she was taking medication for it. I did my best to support her as much as possible. I surprised her with beautiful gifts aswell as sentimental presents to make her feel special. I would be by her side asap whenever she needed me and i never mistreated her in any way, shape or form. Before i started dating this individual I learnt of her dark past which mainly revolved around drugs and in the end led to her getting pregnant which futhermore resulted in her having an abortion. For a women to experience this must be very horrific..:(

For most of the time that we were together we loved each other very deeply. Everything was going so well until she started getting severely depressed again...I'm not sure whether it was because maybe of her medication or the fact that at the time she begun smoking marijuana again...but things started to seem very very grime...It got to the point where she started distancing herself from me by not replying to my text messages or my phone calls, and when she did it was a very delayed response. All i wanted to do was be there by her side but she just distanced herself more and more which really impacted on me. When she finally ended things between us she seemed to be very frustrated and irritated/annoyed, which really scared me and made me insecure beyond belief. She kept telling me that it was all her fault and that things between us should end..

I decided to give her some space and after a couple of months when i couldn't handle it any long because i missed her so much I decided to contact her via facebook chat and we've been talking ever since. Even though we meet up for coffee every now & again its not the same. Its asif we hate each other....but at the same time it's asif we don't? Its very hard to explain. She's decided to slowly get off the medication because she's sick of having to rely on a pill to keep her mentally balanced. Hearing her say that really made me feel happy. 

If anybody has experienced this with a girlfriend or boyfriend it would help me alot reading your experiences and outcomes. My now 'ex' although we are broken up technically keeps giving me hints that she may be interested in my but i'm just very confused at this stage

[Neil_1]

Hi there Flashi

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

You sounded like a great partner for girlfriend and one of which I would hope that she was very happy with.  BUT, the evil of mental illness is not a good thing to deal with – and that can be said for the sufferer as well as anyone who is closely involved with them.   I couldn’t give you a count of the number of relationships that have ended due to mental health issues, but I would say the number is extremely high.

At this current time, I can say fortunately I haven’t really had this kind of experience – although having just thought about it, maybe a fiancé did walk out on me a long time ago, when I couldn’t care about myself, let alone anyone else – so yes, chalk that down to depression.  But slightly different, as the partner fled the scene on that occasion – for you, it’s the sufferer who has moved on.

I’m sorry for going over this point as I don’t mean to be harping on it – so when you say you’ve been talking ever since, you’re really meaning you’re conversing through FaceBook??   As you say that you only occasionally meet up for a coffee and a chat – and a very strained chat by the sound of that;  as if you hate each other.  Gosh, that sounds awfully difficult.

From an outsiders viewpoint, the future to me doesn’t appear to be too rosy for you and your ‘ex’.  I mean, even if things were mended in a way that you both got back together, would you not be possibly thinking that deep down, you’d be wondering if or when will she likely end it again.  The first time had a huge impact on you – a second time I’d venture may potentially be worse.

One last thing – during those couple of months after the break-up, did your ‘ex’ ever contact you?   Or were you the first one to make the move?  Has she always been receptive to anything you’ve suggested since your FaceBook chats??   Ie:  going for coffees and meeting up??

I’d very much like to hear from you again.

Neil

[flashi86]

Hey Neil 🙂 Thankyou for replying to my thread post! It really does mean  alot to me 🙂

So yeah! back to it. I initially made the first move to contact her. When we first started dating each other my ex ended things within a month of dating but within a week she contacted me saying how much she missed me...so we continued dating. When she broke up with me the second time (which was the most recent one I was referring to) I thought it was a good idea to get into contact with her because the mind of a depressed women is at best of times complicated and too hard to understand.

We started off very slowly on facebook chat, then made our way to texting and then eventually meeting up for coffee and talking face to face. At the end of our meet ups she always says that we should go out for dinner sometime and that we should hang up but i feel as if she's just saying that to make me feel happy? So far i've had to be the person to set up little dates but i feel that she should want to organise it every now & then...

On the other-hand my ex's sister has recently started dating a guy who is heavily into drugs and offers both the girls speed, weed and god knows what else....(Mixing all that with anti-depressional medication cannot be good for you at all). As much as I want to help, there is only so much that i can do. I can't be a parent to this girl but I can only be there for her when she needs me. My ex tells me that she needs to get away from this all and that hanging out with her new friends (who also do drugs) isn't healthy for her