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Future SIL may have NPD
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Hi,
My daughter has been in a long term relationship with someone who I suspect has NPD. He exhibits all the classic symptoms, only child spoiled by doting parents. Life of the party. Baiting. False Accusations. Triangulation. Selective Memory, Selective Amnesia. Thought Policing.
I can see myself being isolated from my daughter now they have moved in together. And no doubt I will be classified as the MIL from hell.
My daughter is pretty strong willed and has a good self image, so she calls him on it sometimes, but long term I fear she is going to be put into the "mother" role. And I doubt he will want to have kids as they would distract attention away from him.
It is up to my daughter what she does with her life. I can only tell her that I will be there for her and let her know she can talk to me if she needs to.
But how do I deal with him? I can see him already trying to find fault with everything me and my husband do. "You're not hugging me right" (it should be one arm over and one under to avoid being domineering "That's racist" no matter what I say. I can only imagine what he says about out us when we are not there.
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Hi Koala bear, welcome to Beyond Blue forums
ps koalas arent bears) lol. anyway I think your daughter wont last long with this guy. Give it time. I'm glad you made that comment
"It is up to my daughter what she does with her life. I can only tell her that I will be there for her and let her know she can talk to me if she needs to."
Parents position is a ticklish one. Being supportive is all you can do. Also, dont be afraid to stick up for what you believe eg "I hug people how I like, if you dont like it thats your issue" without causing a division.
Cheers
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Thanks. Maybe I should have called myself Drop Bear.:)
She is pretty loyal. They have been together over 6 years but only just moved in together. I'm concerned that he will keep her in a state of limbo. No marriage. No kids, just enjoying perpetual boyhood until it's too late.
I suppose we have to let our kids find their own path. But I just keep seeing all these red flags.
I like this response: "I hug people how I like, if you dont like it thats your issue" In a way that's sending out a signal that his games don't work on me.
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