feeling hopeless

[ConfusedMum]

I'm not sure if anyone can help me.  I've never been on one of these sites before.  I've had friends who've experienced depression, and I suffer with it myself (but have never sought medical help, just found other way to re-direct my emotions and cope).  But now my 20 year old daughter is experiencing it and I don't know what to do.  It all started with a boy, who I believe has emotionally abused her to the point where she feels unworthy and a failure at everything.  She has massive mood swings and tantrums having broken mirrors and phones, though he doesn't help with his on again off again stalking through social media and texts, his name calling and picking her up and dropping her when he feels like it.  I have tried to get her to see someone, change her number delete her social media accounts, but to no success.  She won't sleep on her own and has become very clingy.  She often claims that she doesn't want to be here and doesn't want to be here. She keeps going in and out of work and changing studies.  How can I force her to see someone?  Or if I can't how can I help her learn how to cope with her emotions.  I don't know how I'm going to cope with anymore of this.  I feel like I'm starting to lose it.  I mean she should be out there having fun and enjoying life, becoming independent.  Instead she is moping around and won't get out and do anything.  It's affecting the whole family.  My partner (not her father) and I just cant stand each other, because he thinks she should toughen up and that she's brought all this on herself by continuing to get back with the boy and I shouldn't be so soft.  Her brother is only 17 and spends most of his time worrying about her and me.  I keep trying to convince her to keep moving and think positive, exercise, find something to keep her busy, but every single time it's just "oh I wouldn't be any good at that" or "I can't be bothered going out", "I have no friends anymore".  Which in fact she has lost a lot of friends in this whole ordeal, she really doesn't have a lot of people anymore that will listen. 

I've heard really bad stories about anti depressants, so I would prefer not to have to give her any of those.  Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get through this?  It's been a long 18 months of this ever since the boy started playing his games.  I'm feeling a walking time bomb at the moment, which wouldn't help her in anyway, but I know I'm going to break soon, so any ideas would be great.

[Sophie_M]

Hi ConfusedMum, thanks for posting.

It sounds like your family has been going through a lot with your daugther and her quite manipulative boyfriend. It can extremely tough supporting a loved one and we can tell how much you want the best for your daughter and to see her recover and get over the way she is feeling right now.

ConfusedMum the best option would be to get her along to a GP, not for medication, but for a Mental Health Care Plan. A GP Mental Health Treatment Plan involves the GP assessing her, identifying her needs, setting and agreeing on management goals, identifying any action she should take, selecting appropriate treatment options and arranging ongoing management, and documenting this in the plan. This also entitles her to 10 sessions with a private psychologist rebated through Medicare. Medicare rebates are available for a range of mental health treatments. The rebate will depend on what service is being provided and who is providing it. If she would be more comfortable, you could go along with her. We do suggest ConfusedMum booking a longer consultation so she has longer to be able to talk and her and the doctor don't need to feel rushed.

ConfusedMum we are concerned that about her expression of 'not wanting to be here', if you are feeling she may be at risk of harming herself it is important you get help immediately. You can do this by:

* Speaking to her doctor if he or she is available right now
* Calling the Mental Health Team in your state (number supplied offline)
* If, however, you feel she is unable to keep herself from acting on her thoughts about suicide this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

Also, we wanted to let you know that we understand how hard it can be caring for a loved one with depression. It is both physically and emotionally exhausting at times.

There is some great information on our website about how you can best support a loved one with depression tha....

We also wanted to encourage you to look at the information about looking after yourself.

There are support services available specifically for you too. They are called Carers services and they are there to help the people who are caring for others. They can provide over the phone support as well as link you in with face-to-face counselling, education programs and support groups where you can meet other people going through the same thing. Here is a good one:

1) Carers Australia
Phone: 1800 242 636
Phone(alt): (02) 6122 9900
Email: caa@carersaustralia.com.au
Website: www.carersaustralia.com.au

We hope that you have found this helpful ConfusedMum and you are able to connect with some further support for your daugther. You and/or your daughter are very welcome to call our support and information line on 1300 22 4636 or come to webchat if you have further concerns or questions. We are available 24 hours by phone and from 3pm - midnight AEST daily on webchat.

[Carmela]

Hi ConfusedMum,

Sophie_M has provided some valuable advice for you covering all aspects of assistance. I would like to add one more and that is the services provided by 'Headspace' who are a national youth mental health foundation covering youth from 12 to 25 years old.   They have 80 centres across metropolitan, regional and rural areas of Australia delivering support to young people.  All services are free or low cost, confidential and youth friendly. Google for their details.

All the best - Carmela