Feeling bad! I lost it with an anxious friend who refuses help!

[Loulee]

Hello All,
I am new here to the forums. I love and appreciate Beyond Blue. I have been receiving treatment for anxiety and panic attacks for over 15 years but when I look back over my life it seems I have been coping with these things, as well as some depression, since I was a teenager. I am doing well, take anti depressants and have learnt how to manage myself.
I am writing as I have close friend who lives overseas and insists we message every day, which is tiring. This friend has had a long history of what seems to be symptoms of anxiety, panic attacks, OCD and hypochondria. Her mother was bipolar. My friend keeps making excuses and blaming her conditions on medical issues or family problems. OK I get that. You have to be ready. But what is difficult is that every day she dumps all her stress and anxiety on me. This Covid year has been particularly bad as her anxiety has gotten worse. Last week I made the mistake of offering some advice. She back peddled, contradicted herself and pretended everything was fine. I was stressed by the conversation and took myself off to the park for a walk. When we resumed the conversation and she was in denial I just snapped. I said some very blunt and probably hurtful truths. I since wrote a message of apology. But she is now ignoring me. I am guessing I am going to follow some friends from her past whom she has cut completely from her life. I'm sad about this as I do value her friendship but I just couldn't cope any longer being her emotional rubbish tip. It has been impacting my own stress and anxiety. I am wondering if anyone can relate to this or has any similar stories to mine and can provide some advice as I am feeling upset by this incident. She has admitted in the past that I bear the brunt of her stress so where is my apology? It has been years of shouldering her problems. She does provide me with some support but there is a big imbalance. I am a private person. I censor what I tell her and keep a lot of my own stuff private. Sometimes she doesn't even seem to read my messages or respond to my comments as there is not a lot of room left after her stream of comments about her own concerns. Thanks in advance for listening. Happy New Year.

[sunnyl20]

Hey Loulee,

I am sorry it has taken a while for someone to respond to your post, sometimes threads can get missed, it is nothing to do with you or your post. I'm really glad you have felt able to reach out on the forums and it is great to hear that you are doing well.

What has happened with your friend sounds really difficult. You clearly care about her a lot and have been a huge support for her by the sound of it, I cannot imagine how awful it would have felt to have her just completely ignore you like that. But at the same time, it sounds like it has been somewhat of a relief to not have that draining you everyday, especially as it sounds like it was not really a very reciprocal relationship. Would you consider messaging her again in the next week or two? Do you think that may be an option?

Please feel free to talk more if you want. Take care.

[Thealth]

Hi Loulee,

Happy new year. This is a great place to be. I'm kinda new here my self but from reading the posts here, people are genuinely nice and there's no judgment or whatsoever. I'm hoping to see you around some time.