Dealing with bipolar husband and his judgmental family is driving me to the edge

[Thepot]

I am struggling severely. We are migrants (citizens now) and my husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 4 years ago after a few suicide attempts. Co-existing to that he has alexithymia, meaning that he is unable to interpret or display emotion correctly and in context. I was immediately assumed to be his carer even though I was already diagnosed with MS and in treatment for Complex PTSD. See, my mother is also bipolar with borderline personality and I was sort of "not treated well" as a child. I, therefore, had this wonderful life filled with the experience of bipolar disorder and abuse.....

My husband's main trigger is his family, but as you can suspect this is also his biggest denial. Things go very well when we do not hear from them, but as his mother is very old (92) she is almost dead every now and again, which raises them up to put blame on me for his behavior. As they put it they do not believe that he is bipolar and that he "is made to act in this way by me". When he is triggered he obviously goes into a psychotic phase and takes on their personalities, blaming me for the very same things they do. And he takes out all the anger he has towards them on me.

I have reached a point now where I know that I am in danger. I struggle to practice self-care. I cannot eat and struggle to sleep as I cry all the time. My brain has shut down. I want to leave but I live with the threat that he will get worse and possibly kill himself if I do that. I know that I am currently in the abused position and that I just need to get my mind right again to be able to move forward.

There must be people out there who are going through this or have gone through this. I do not need patronizing advice. I need real help to get my own mind out of the gutter. I am generally a very caring person, but I struggle to care now. And that scares and hurts me.

Any advice, please

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

A ticklish situation.

Re: "I want to leave but I live with the threat that he will get worse and possibly kill himself if I do that"

I'm addressing this first because you are not responsible for others actions.

In general conflict resolution can be improved by reading the first post of this thread

Use google

Beyondblue Topic relationship strife? the peace pipe

My mother I believe has BPD (in denial) and she had a difficult childhood with bipolar in her family.

Your husband needs anger management advice and counseling but, if he wont then how serious is he in finding solutions? Abuse is a tough word

Google

Beyondblue Topic the definition of abuse

Family judgement on someones fiagnosis amuses me. 15 years or more training psychiatrists dont diagnose lightly yet untrained family seem to know better.

Suffice to say if your husband is not listening to you as a priority then he is not serving the marriage well.

You say you are in danger. Are you going to wait for danger to arrive? At this point, you might be wise to reconsider your position and I dont often say that, but in danger is a position you should not endure unless your husband answers some serious questions to your liking. Eg his promise to never hurt you physically. To remain loyal to you. To trust doctors advice and diagnosis and so on.

If not answered satisfactorily then you must be brave.

TonyWK