Crying while I write this, desperate to help my daughter.

Maj1958 · ‎01-09-2014

My 29 year old daughter has been suffering anxiety/depression for some time now. She is married with z3 young children. She has been going to a doctor in a medical centre who has just been handing her pills, most of which have caused side effects (nausea, loss of appetite, rash, sleep problems etc) her meds were changed 3 weeks ago . Last Friday we got an urgent call from her, she lives over an hour away so it took my husband a while to get there. By the time he arrived she was in a really bad way. Suicidal thoughts, not making any sense etc, it was absolutely terrifying. I was able to get her an emergency appointment at a GP, not her usual doctor. My husband went with her. This doctor was very dismissive and said she was just depressed and that the meds could not cause these side effects (even though there is a clear warning on the packaging). He looked at his watch, handed her a checklist and told her to go home and complete it! It was only after they left that my daughter disclosed to my husband that she had taken too many. Since then it has been a roller coaster of emotions! Her husband took her to their local hospital who took bloods and put a drip in then transferred her to a major hospital in a nearby town. She was discharged at 3am in the morning with the promise of a follow-up visit to their home today by someone from the mental health team. This person who came out had not even read her file and just told her to go back to the medical centre for review! She is in a really bad way and I do not know what to do! It is breaking my heart. Her children are feeling it and her husband doesn't know what else to do to help. I think he is at the stage of taking her back to hospital and having her admitted to the psychiatric (his words) hospital. I do not know what to do or who to turn to for her. There does not seem to be any sort of coordinated health services available to her. Any advise would be so gratefully appreciated.

geoff · ‎02-09-2014

dear Maj, thanks for contacting the site for your great concerns about your daughter, as there seems to be a few problems with her care.

It seems as though everyone is 'passing the buck', that is they don't really know how to handle someone with severe depression, so they send her off to someone else, so I presume that she lives in a smallish town but never the less this is a serious problem for all of you.

Just a couple of questions and I'm sorry for this, but what has happened to the blood results and were you given a copy of them and did they have any comment on them and then sent them off to her regular doctor.

There's no point in having these tests and to not let her doctor know what is going on, because he/she has to know, it can't be a closed book, meaning that only the hospital knows the results, and then to push her out, because it not only leaves you, your husband, her husband and definitely her not knowing what is the hell has happened.

That seems to be a big problem here, so if you can't be in contact with her doctor, then it would be a good idea to look under 'get support' at the top of this page and try and find a professional doctor who can help her and all of you, as these doctors etc are aligned to BB and help people who have depression, so they know what to do, and won't pass the buck to someone else.

This is very serious and she needs a great deal of help, and with all these people not knowing what to do has to be rectified.

Please get back to us as we are just as concerned as you. L Geoff. x

AGrace · ‎02-09-2014

H Maj,

I can completely understand you worry, as I have been in your daughter's situation before and I can recall the look of terror on both my mum's and my partner's faces. The carers are always left feeling so helpless.

There are a couple of things I want to suggest, but may I ask firstly if your daughter has private hospital cover?

Given that your daughter has made an attempt on her life, she needs much more support than that of a GP. I would suggest taking her back to the emergency department of your nearest hospital, and requesting that she be admitted for her own safety. This would be the process for public hospital care. You can request for her GP to make a referral for her to see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist. 10 Psychology sessions can be covered by a mental health care plan (the GP can organise this upon your request).

If your daughter has private cover then when you go to the emergency department request a referral for her to be admitted to a private Psychiatric hospital. In private care she will be allocated a private Psychiatrist who will take over her case.

I wouldn't leave this, as your daughter has not just shown thoughts of suicide but also made an attempt. I'd also have her husband administer her medications for some time, as it's not safe for her to have access to her own medications.

I'd also invite you to take a look at some of Beyondblue's new resources. One in particular is called "helping them find their way back" it's a guide for carers after a loved one has made an attempt on their life.

If you don't get the support that you are looking for from your hospital ED please make contact with Beyondblue, their call centre is available to carers as well.

Let us know how you get on, and I send my best wishes to you, your daughter, and your family.

AGrace

Maj1958 · ‎02-09-2014

Dear Geoff, thanks for your reply. Yes my daughter and her family live in a smallish town, nearest country hospital 45 mins away and larger hospital about another 45 mins further on. Blood test showed that she was just under the limit/level of needing intervention. She went back to the doctor as suggested by the visiting mental health care nurse and the first thing he wanted to do was take more blood, did not want to contact hospital for their results. She went back to the hospital today and now has an appointment with a clinical psychologist on Thursday. So hopefully she will start getting some help. Her husband is very supportive, as are we, but we are so frustrated at the delay and lack of help available from professionals that she has seen so far. Given the number of different reactions she has had to differing meds, the hospital team have discontinued all medication (no weaning off!). She doesn't want to see family or friends as she feel embarrassed by what she has done. This is the furthest thing from our thoughts. We are not judging her, we just want to help her.

Maj1958 · ‎02-09-2014

Thanks for your reply. My daughter does not have private health insurance unfortunately. She now has an appointment with a clinical psychologist on Thursday of this week, so hopefully she can start moving ahead on what is going to be a long journey for her and her family. We love her dearly and just want to help her and feel so frustrated by the system. When you say you have been in the same situation, did you want to shut yourself away from family and friends because you were embarrassed by what you had done? This is the very last thing we are thinking, we are in no way judging her or thinking any less of her. As parents we just want to take away her pain and help her heal and get well.

geoff · ‎03-09-2014

dear Maj, can I just say that when someone has a thought or actually tries to end their life the first reaction is for them to feel embarrassed, because they either feel guilty or maybe ashamed of their actions, but what you have to do is just talk to her about it and then to say as you have done, that you are only concerned for her and desperately want to help her through all of this, as she can't do it all by herself, as much as she may feel she can, because it's impossible. L Geoff. x