Climbing the mountain

[Copper]

Today has been a day of just hanging on. My husband is suffering from major depression and anxiety. He is currently going through the worse depressive episode that he has ever had ( he has had 4 in the last 14 years). He was discharged from the state hospital last week after spending 2 months in treatment to stabilize him enough to come home. Now he doesn't want to leave the house and he is convinced that he cannot ever work and that we are going to end up on the street. He does not want to exercise or use the cognitive behavior tools that he learned in the hospital. I love him very much, but I am struggling to know how to help him.

[Neil_1]

Dear Copper

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post here.

I can fully understand your concerns especially when your husband has been treated for so long in hospital - towards the end of his hospital stay, was his attitude "ok" with regard to leaving and going home??   And was he handling things "ok" whilst in hospital??

With regard to working again, I think that for him to be talking about that now is perhaps a little too early - as I could understand his side of things for not being able to work again.   I think he perhaps really needs to break things down to much smaller chunks - in being able to deal with things around the home first - and for him at this stage not wanting to leave the home, I think that's "ok" as well.

I mean, he's only just come back home from being in hospital for a long time so it would seem reasonable that he'd be possibly uncomfortable in going out and doing things.

But if he can gain some confidence in being just at home and perhaps doing things around the home, bit by bit - that might help him in the overall scheme of things.  But it will take time and perserverance.

Does he have any professional support that he can go too?  Like a GP or a possible psychologist or psychiatrist who might be treating him?   I can only assume that he's also on medication, yes?

In the past is he a person for doing exercise?   As you did mention it.  This again, might come after some time at being at home.

I do hope you can get back to us and I hope that I've said some things that you may have found useful.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Copper, thanks for posting your comment.

I can see 2 problems here, your husband and now yourself, because when you try and help your husband/partner who is in depression then the other spouse/partner can also become depressed.

Did your husband leave the hospital on his own accord or did they tell him that he had to go home, and I think it maybe the latter, which means that they thought he had to cope at home and that he had to leave after 2 months.

I also wonder about his visits to see the psych and doctor, which means that he will have to get out of the house.

The worry extends to yourself as well here which means that you should also see the doctor, because the pressure now being put on you will increase, and tha't s something which also concerns us.

Hope that you can get back to us. L Geoff. x

[Copper]

Thank you for your encouragement. My husband is seeing both a psychiatrist and a counselor/therapist. He is also exercising, although not as much as he normally does. I agree with you on breaking things up into smaller chunks, the problem though is that in addition to his depression, he also battles with obsessive thoughts, mainly about not being able to work and what will happen to us as a result. My hope is that between the medication and therapy he will eventually get the thoughts under control and that will help to alleviate the depression.

[Copper]

Thank you for your encouragement Geoff. I am glad to say that even though he didn't want to, my husband did leave the house to see both the counselor and the doctor this week. He also did exercise a couple of days, which is at least a start.

I appreciate your concern for my well being. It is true that there are times I find myself being caught up into his despair and anxiety and I have to remind myself of what the reality is. I have thought of seeing our GP myself, just have not done it yet.

[Neil_1]

Dear Copper

Thank you for getting back to us.

You know, that thought of getting to your GP I think is a very good one.  Just for a bit of a check up;   and not to mention, that you may be able to possibly pick up some more helping mechanisms to assist your husband.

That was great news that he was able to get out to his recent appointments.  Those are promising signs and steps forward.  The thing with this is that pretty much all steps have to be kind of small - and make little goals;  so there's lots of victories along the way.

Kind regards

Neil