Caring for my Partner's C-PTSD

[tham_]

Hey everyone!

I just made an account today since I needed reassurance from a supportive community. I've been with my partner for about 4-months now, I'm the first person he's told of his C-PTSD and someone who he feels safe with.

For the last month, I've noticed he's been very withdrawn and quiet around me. My messages online haven't been read or responded to, and he seems distracted or nervous in person. However, he still seems sociable and excitable around our friends. I've tried gently approaching it in conversation but he dances around it and reassures me that he's fine. This was my first experience with such a sudden shift in our dynamic, so it was a little jarring, but I still was up to help.

Since I started reading about it, I've learnt not to take it too personally with our relationship but it's still difficult for me to know if I'm helping. Little gestures of assurance that I'm ready to listen or just checking in on his day *feel* helpful, but how can I know? What will I see that shows he's ready to reconnect or that my efforts are supporting him? How long should I expect this to go on from now?

My situation might be a little specific, but I mainly want to know what other people find helps them or others with their management.

Thank You!

[indigo22]

Hi tham_,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am not sure if you realise how big a step that was for him to open up to you and how important it is that he feels safe with you.

The facade he shows to others is exactly that, a facade. It is likely the coping mechanism he has used for a long time, and I imagine it is a relief to not have to keep up that facade when he is with you.

I am assuming that he is already getting help from counselling and/or medication for his CPTSD (please correct me if I am wrong), in which case all you need to do is be supportive in the same way you are looking for support here. Try to just be the same person you were before he told you, because that is the person he reached out to. Behaving differently will likely make him feel that perhaps he should not have told you.

I would suggest learning as much as you can and use the helplines to speak to someone in real time when you are unsure how to handle a situation. There are many here to support you also, so you are not alone in this.

Feel free to continue this conversation any time you wish.

Take care,

indigo

[tham_]

Thank you for your response Indigo.

To clarify, he hasn't begun professional counselling or taking any medication as of yet. He might be worried about his parents finding out, or maybe he just hasn't considered, I'm not too sure. His parents aren't related to his experience, but I feel like even with my encouragement to seek out support he would stress over them or other friends finding out with the stigma attached. When he told me, I assured him that I wouldn't treat him any different which he greatly appreciated. Admittedly, that was a bit before this new communication shift, but you're completely right and I can see how he'd still appreciate consistency. 

I still very much appreciate your reassurance with regards to him opening up, as you said, I might have underestimated how important that was for us. It is very comforting to know that I mean that much to him. I'm very happy with my decision to reach out on this forum and I'm extremely grateful for your input.

[indigo22]

You are most welcome tham_ and please continue to reach out when you need to. Sometimes being the support person for someone with a mental illness can be emotionally draining, so be sure you have support in place for yourself as well.

The thing to keep in mind is that one of the highest priorities for him will be to feel safe. Encourage him to open up at his own pace, encourage him to seek professional help, just don't push him if he is not ready. At some point he must have been diagnosed in order to know he is dealing with C-PTSD which means there has been some professional interaction but perhaps not for a while.

There is another member on the forum named Eagle Ray who also deals with C-PTSD and I am hoping they will reply to you also.

Be as patient as you can, and look after yourself too.

indigo