Bipolar husband with delusions
I’m not sure how to start but I am having and extremely difficult time with my husband who I have been with for ten years. He was formally diagnosed with bipolar 6 months ago and ADHD. He also has OCD and is a recovering alcoholic.
His psychiatrist recently called me after he had a concerning appointment with my husband to discuss if I felt safe and if my kids were safe, which at the time I really didn’t understand why he was asking. He told me that my husband was having extreme paranoid thoughts and is on different medications.
yesterday, I found a notepad my husband had written some thoughts down in. It was about 8 A4 size pages about our relationship and said the most hurtful things i have ever heard. In this book he blamed me for everything and basically thinks I have been controlling him for our entire relationship. There were some extremely delusional thoughts in there that made me beside myself with grief that he would feel such contempt towards me. He also said, I don’t know if I love her anymore.
I have not been able to bring myself to tell him what I have read and I have told him I need some space away and I staying with my mum atm.
I am battling with trying to understand what is the paranoia and what is his true thoughts. If he really thinks all those things he wrote about me I just can’t even fathom how he is still with me and I feel like my world is upside down.
I see now why the dr was calling me, and I have a app this afternoon to talk about what I have read and how to try and understand it.
I have become concerned about our relationship as he is dressing diff, got a new hair cut he used to have when in 20s, has taking up smoking, is talking about other recreational substances, reaching out to past girlfriend and spending as much time away from me as he can.
if I talk with him about how I’m feeling he denies all my feelings and says “I’m just living my best life” . Well, I’m not and I’m not sure where to go from here.
I am feeling very vulnerable atm and would really appreciate some kind of understand or support around this.
thanks in advance.
Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members.
We want to thank you for having the strength and bravery to share your story and allow our community to help you on your journey.
We hope that you know, no one deserves to feel or be abused or treated the way your husband is and you should prioritize your own safety and mental wellbeing in this regard. We would encourage you to contact 1800RESPECT and speak to their lovely supportive counsellors, they offer advice and support to anyone who has been through experiences like this and may be able to provide specific recommendations, or resources for your situation. You can contact them on
1800 737 732 or visit https://www.1800respect.org.au/ Alternatively if you wish to talk to one of our experienced counsellors, you can use our Beyond Blue support service either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support .
The best I can do is relate the beliefs of someone I know well who has been delusional and paranoid. During that time their whole view of the world changed radically - for no understandable reason. Without going into details they very much felt the world -and some people in particular -were against them and started to behave in a more aggressive manner in response.
Eventually this person was put on medication and the weird beliefs they had held did not continue - neither did their aggression.
By now you will have had a talk wiht the psychiatrist and may have a better idea of what to expect. I hope the news does indicate a lot of improvement is likely soon.
Can I suggest if firstly the psychiatrist was concerned about your safety, and secondly you have, by reading those pages, been given a glimpse into his current thinking, it might be a good idea for you and the kids to keep your distance at the moment until - hopefully on the new medication - things settle down.
This is no doubt a huge surprise and shock as well as being most upsetting and you are under a great deal of personal stress. Can I also suggest you need support? Do you have anyone you can lean on at the moment and discuss things frankly - maybe your mum?
Also getting hte support of your GP could be well worthwhile too. A source of advice as well as support.
Talking of advice, I'm glad you have already met Sophie_M, her suggestions are as usual good ones
Please let us know how you are getting on
Thank you deeply for you response. I have been in so much grief over this. I have reached out to the boy one blue support line as suggested which was very helpful and have numerous psychology appointments booked as I am already seeing one and have booked in more session with someone else through EAP.
I did take the kids and have been staying at my mums and have been supported by family and friends. My husband is staying with his cousin.
I talked to psychiatrist, he wanted me to call the ambulance and have him admitted, however I could not do that and called his cousin for support as we are very close and he has taken over care. Dr advised he needed to come off stimulant medication he is on and be assessed and my husband has booked an appointment to speak with the psychiatrist about it.
I am feeling calmer and the space from him is good. I am trying to access as much help as I can to make it through this as it is all still so new to us.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed to think of my life with him as being so unpredictable and managing the role of a carer in a way that is helpful as I just don’t want to do wrong by him and I doubt myself so much. The outside help has helped the most and reading other peoples stories.
im just taking one day at a time atm.
Thanks again for the suggestions and support.
I'm glad you have a safe place and support, trying to cope in isolation is terribly difficult.
I'm not sure you need ot look forward ot a life as a carer, or at unpredictability. Going on the circumstances I mentioned it turned out the person became stable and reverted a lot towards how they had been before. Still taking the prescribed medication, but then an awful lot of people have to take meds. It is simply how things are.
I'm also pleased he was prepared to see his psychiatrist in order to review his medication. That's a real bonus as may people do not wish to do this, and often believe it's not necessary.
I know there is no road-map to follow, and it is upsetting, however please do not doubt yourself, you have done everything exactly as you should.
Please do let us know how things go on