Bi-polar boyfriend, no danger to me but I need help

[IvorySea]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months now, and I knew very early on about his aggressive history of violence due to his bi-polar. He assured me that he has much better control and is no longer a risk to people, and that he'd never physically hurt me. I believed this, and I still do. He has never tried to be controlling or aggressive towards me, and has shown nothing but love and affection. I have endured my own serious mental illnesses, and we've gone through a lot together in such a short time and I'm so grateful for his unconditional love and support. However, he has been under a serious amount of stress lately that's just blind-sided him and is causing him to start cracking a bit. We were having an argument the other day (not uncommon at the moment as I can't always listen to reason), and I began yelling. He responded also with yelling and I obviously just went off and cried. He couldn't stop apologizing, saying he should never have yelled, that I didn't deserve it. We moved on and it was fine, until today (I was mostly in his room until otherwise mentioned).

He and his mother have a horrid past together, and they were having a particularly bad argument today. She was mostly over-reacting about small things and was making attacks at him, his sister and me indirectly. Brandon is very protective of us, and will not take negative comments about us or himself well. So he snapped and they were just screaming at each other. I felt it would be awkward if I tried to intervene, but that left my mind when I heard his mother yell about a knife. I raced out of his room to see him standing over his mother with a large knife, to which I told him to stop. He eventually came to, and put it back. I felt so frightened to see someone I love do something like that. We had brief conversation about it today, and the gist is that he just wanted to 'intimidate' her, and had absolutely no intention of hurting her (he's a shit liar so I'd know if that was incorrect). He also said in no circumstance would he ever do that to me, and that it was brought on by whatever emotional abuse his mother gave him when he was young.

I need advice because I want to stay with him, but is that stupid? I trust him to not hurt me but how do I help?

[Sophie_M]

Hi IvorySea, thanks for your post.

In your post it also sounds like it has been a very overwhelming and upsetting time for you. You must feel very conflicted as to what to do in this situation and how to get your boyfriend the right help and support. We believe in having a good doctor to speak to your partner about your concerns for him as a good first step. The doctor is the best possible place to make a thorough assessment and to discuss support options with him .

From your post we are not sure if he is seeing a counsellor or a psychologist at the moment, but if he isn’t a GP can refer him to see one about the way he has been feeling. Counselling support can be helpful in helping him work out positive ways around thinking patterns and implementing skills and techniques that may be helpful for him in managing his anger and bipolar.

As we move through our different life stages, we encounter barriers in different areas of our life and need to make adjustments and find ways to move forward as best we can. Talking with a psychologist can be a helpful part of this and this can be made available to him via the Mental Health Care Plan through a doctor so that he can receive 6-10 sessions per calendar year where the bulk of the bill is picked up by Medicare. If he doesn’t have a GP you can find one from our website. If there isn't a doctor listed close to him it can be helpful to ask friends or family for a recommendation.

It is great that you are reaching out for help and support and always know that there’s always somewhere to turn to. If you feel he is having thoughts of harming others or if you feel he may be at risk of harming himself, we recommend contacting the local Mental Health Line Victoria (the local hospital can give you their contact details) or 000 in case of emergency. You could also call 000 Emergency services if you feel he is at imminent risk of harming himself or others around him.

Supporting someone with anxiety or depression can be difficult and it is important to also take care of yourself. The beyondblue website also has a helpful section for family and friends. 

We also encourage you and your boyfriend to call the beyondblue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. We can help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with counselling support, information and referrals. We also have a webchat service available from 3pm to 12 am daily, which you can access from the beyondblue website.

We are here to support you and hope you have found some helpful responses and support here online. It is important you look after yourself during this time and we encourage you to continue to reach out for support. Stay strong.