Being Strong for a partner who only sees Hate, Anger and see me as the enemy.

[Lost2014]

I am hoping to see if anyone can assist me is to how to cope with my current situation. My partner suffers severe anxiety and depression. I do my best to be there and support him but nothing i do seem to be enough and always get blamed for his emotional stresses. I try with all my might to be there to be supportive and meet his needs and try not to upset him. My problem is that the harder I try it is still not enough. I get abused verbally and sometime physically. Blamed and accused of being dishonest and at times being accused of things i know i could never do. He will cause the biggest argument over petty things. Possessive, territorial and very manipulative. I want to help my partner as i believe that he isn't who is it and that this sickness have consumed him so much . I love him with all my heart but he is hurting and sometimes i think he does it intentionally to drag me down with him. Our relationship have always been up and down and has been ongoing for the last 5 years. I am well aware that it is not healthy but you can't help who you love. Our separation is due to his insecurities and the lies, cheats and being disloyal. He blames his condition but are not willing to do anything about it. He continues to come back and says he loves me and he wants me to be there to help him. I do this in hoping that he will pursue to seek help and i will be there with him.  He will initiate at start but after 1-2 session he becomes aggressive and not follow through. Despite all the faults and the pain i endure i still stick by him because i believe he can move past this. In most recent event. He have decided to go through my phone and have questioned me about a friend that I am mutually connected with and would consider a best friend. I shared my concern and was seeking support. My partner took offence of the situation and saw me betraying him and that I'm cheating which was not the case. due to this, he became extremely angry and hateful to a point that he moved out and he sees nothing but negative. I love this man so much and I am willing to do anything to help him recover from this. But he cannot be reasoned with and he sees me as an enemy rather a partner who is trying to give him the support. He is so consumed by it all that even though I am trying to be there... I end up being the one that takes all the heat and be blamed for all of it. Can anyone here relate and are able to help?

[white knight]

hi lost.

A short story that might help. In my 20's I met a lady that had many psychiatric issues leading from having a child adopted at 15yo and several miscarriages before I met her. I was madly in love with her but for 5 years she came and went about twice a week. I'd come home from shift work to a letter. Those letters said "sorry I cant stay am going back to my mothers place. I love you" etc.

This did a lot of damage to my anxiety and depression but I didnt know then I had those issues.

One day after we were together for 5 years, she returned form her mums and I told her that this day (and I mentioned the date) was 5 years being together. I would give her one more year to sort herself out, remain with me or not, one way or the other. She agreed. I then didnt mention the agreement again.

One year to the day, still she came and went. I tore my heart out. She came in the door as usual and I gave her the news that I was going to drive her back to her mothers for her to stay permanently.

It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. It meant that a woman I loved so much I had to turn away. That one fault, hurting me ongoing, was the one thing that would terminate us. In every other way she was great.

Yes, one has to look after oneself. And believe in the fact that there is a person out there that you can fall in love with and love just as much or even more because you havent got that ongoing problem. Have faith.

Tony WK