Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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partner has really bad anxiety and I don't know how to help

replies: 2

My partner has really bad anxiety, especially when it comes to travelling and planes. I love travelling and really want to do it with him, he wants to as well because he knows it makes me happy but he is so anxious that deep down he knows he wont. He feels like I need to just leave him because he is pulling me down and not letting me do the travelling I want. I don't know how to help him feel less anxious. When he has gone on a trip with me and he sad and sick the whole time. What are somethings I can do to help him or what are some things he can do to help himself? Even if its not to help him want to travel but just to feel less anxious about everything. I dont have anxiety so I don't know what it feels like to help him Thank you

Partner with anxiety

replies: 17

Hi. first time poster. My partner and I have been together for 4 years now. We are engaged and have a geougous 20 month old son. I am really starting to struggle with her emotion and moods. She suffers from anxiety and doesn't take her medication. When she does take them and has been on them for a while she is amazing. But she will feel better than completely stop taking them. It's at the point now where I can't even ask a question without it becoming a huge fight. And the fighting always comes down to me not doing enough (which is where I start to feel helpless and i shut down) She is always telling me I don't do enough. Whatever she tells me I need to do more of i do it but than she finds something else that I don't do. Each day I get up make lunches. Pack school bag. Get our son up and ready for daycare. We drop him off together and pick him up together. If we eat at home she cooks most of the times than after dinner ill bath our son and get him ready for bed. Than ill do dishes clean the kitchen and tidy the house. On my day off (while she is at work) I mow the lawn clean the bathroom. Tidy the house, vacuum and do at least 2 loads of washing. Get dinner ready. All while looking after my son. And most of the time it's still not enough. We eat out alot because she feels like something for dinner and if I suggest just eating at home it starts another fight so I just agree now. So we probably spend $200 a week eating out or takeaway. And she complains we have no money or savings. We also have our neice every 2nd sunday so that makes it hard to do family things. Which is another issue because she is always asking me to plan little adventures but when I do she doesn't want to do it or makes different plans. If i ever do something for myself it ends up in a fight because we could be doing family stuff and it doeset benefit the family at all. I dedicate my whole life trying to make her happy and to be the best i can for her and I feel it's still not enough. Do you think I should do more or is there something I'm doing wrong? I have told her I am really struggling with her emotions and moods and it came back on me being the problem. I don't know what to do. Any help is very much appreciated

Mother thinks she is god

replies: 8

So I’m 38 and my mum is 64. For as long as I can remember my Mum has thought of herself as god. I have started tracking conversations and keeping text message screen shots as proof. Has anyone ever experienced this? She apparently manifested over 30 years ago and considers the Queen of England to be invalid and ‘tributes and tithes’ should be paid to her. Mother has pushed all her family away. In the opposite of that she is manipulating, controlling and obsessive with my sister and I. We have in turn pushed her out of our lives. It makes me sad though. I really need to attend counseling. I resent her for what she behaves like and the difficult life I’ve had in dealing with her. Now she is getting old and the behaviour is escalating. Any advice on where I should start on a journey to heal from her crazy?

Partner support for ptsd sufferers

replies: 1

Hi , reaching out to partners of ptsd sufferers of ex vic pol with knowledge of what support programs are available

Too much

replies: 3

My husband has bipolar amd depression and diabetes.He has no medication. We were looking to move to get away and start again (i guess). We are having so many problems. He calls me bone idol lazy, dirty, and many other horrible names. I work full time, have 2 young children and a husband who doesnt help around the house. He got into an arguement wanting me to say something meaningful to save our marriage. I couldnt. Dont because i dont want to end it but what else can i say and do. I have no energy, he is so angry, up and down , manic, depreased. He's just so withdrawn and after now will be so depressed. I dont know if i should let him go. I dont want to let him go and all he wants from me is for me to care. And i do, i do a lot for him which he doesnt appreciate or even acknowledge. Hes lost and maybe being with me makes everything worse. Weve been together 20 years. Weve been throguh so much. Sometimes i think is it me, why cant i answer him, why do i struggle with low energy, any advice woyld4be great. I dont even know if this makes any sense im just feeling lost myself and needed to let it out.

Carers who also have mental illness

replies: 6

Hi my husband has depression and I have schizo-affective disorder. We have primary school aged twins. I am finding it difficult supporting him without jeopardising my own mental health. I haven't been able to get to sleep tonight and I know my kids will be waking up in a few hours. I am working two jobs and he has been depressed due to not working at the moment. I am tired every day about 130-2pm but can only have a rest on the days I work casually and just have to battle on at work on the other days. One of my kids has been becoming disrespectful and defiant and my hubby is not coping with this. I rarely get any time to myself unless I am walking to and from work as hubby never has motivation to go anywhere. A lot of things in our lives are going well but at the same time I can't sleep as I overthink and analyse situations that have happened during the day and can't switch off. Hubby also has a brain injury so I have been trying to help him access the NDIS and have had to appeal the decision. how do people juggle motherhood, being a carer, working and having a mental illness themselves? I always feel like life is a neverending treadmill and that I am constantly preparing for what has to happen next rather than enjoying the moments in time as they happen

How do I get help for my husband?

replies: 3

I am feeling overwhelmed and lost. My husband is suffering from what I believe is anxiety or depression. It has gotten progressively worse over the past 3 years (we've been married 14). I have encouraged him to seek help but he always finds a reason not to. I struggle with him not seeking the help he needs. We never used to argue..we have disagreed plenty, but lately even the smallest things are like an emotional explosion. I feel like I am walking on eggshells, trying not to upset him. Last week he told me that he wasn't sure if he loves me anymore. Even though I know it isn't true it hurt really bad. Tonight he had a some kind of panic attack after I got upset that he refused to kiss me goodnight. I've never seen him like that before. He was angry and crying and saying without me he has nothing but I just make it all worse. A couple of weeks ago he finally agreed to go see a GP, but I couldn't get him an appointment at the time. Now he doesn't want me to make an appointment at all. What can I do?

Please help! Friend with attention seeking behaviors.

replies: 3

Hi, I’m really struggling to manage a friend that has depression and has attention seeking tendencies. He seems to make up stories and illnesses to get sympathy and attention from myself, my husband and our other friends. I have been dealing with this for 4 years now, and it’s getting worse. He is contacting me and more often saying things about wanting the pain to go away and how he feels so hopeless. But when I ask him if he is going to harm himself in any way he says no, so I don’t have no grounds to call the police or hospital. He says he sees a psychologist and has been to the hospital, but he discharged himself after 3 days. I can’t confirm if this true, all I have is his word. He says he has called helpline, once again not sure if he actually does this or is just humoring me. I need help! I’m not coping with his constant texts about being so depressed. I’m not a medical professional, I have told him to call helpline, check into the hospital and make urgent appointments with his psychologist. Im a new mum and going through my own struggles, and having him texting all the time is taking its toll. I don’t think he would do anything, but I’m not taking that risk and I don’t want to ignore it. He is coming over our place on Saturday to talk to myself and my husband and I want a plan rather than the typical pitty party we usually have. Please help! Thanks in advance.

Depression in family and coping mechanisms

replies: 2

Hi, I am keen to hear from others who may be experiencing the same situation and can provide insight into some coping mechanisms. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and was diagnosed when I was 19. My father has also been experiencing the same since he was in his 30s and as his condition was diagnosed much later in his life, he turned to alcohol and now struggles with alcoholism as well. My mum, partly due to genetics and due to what life threw her way, has her own battles with anxiety and now depression. My brother was also diagnosed for OCD and depression, after his episode was triggered due to being bullied at school. For many years, we hid what was happening to us and never talked about our issues. When dad would go through his mood swings and leave home, or when my parents would fight, we would think this is normal and how all families behave. As children, we didn't talk about our feelings or learn resilience. After meeting my husband, I realised how broken my growing up situation really was and how these issues needed to be addressed. Things aren't great now. My dad's depression is getting worse despite medication, he refuses help for his alcoholism, there is chaos at home, it impacts my mum and my brother, I hear about it, I get silent treatment from my dad and then it impacts me too. Whilst I have accepted that medication will be a part of my recovery, my question is (Especially for those who have a family history of depression) - how do you cope in these situations? In one way, I feel for my mum and dad, I want to be there for all three of them but when I get too close to the situation, I know I cannot cope mentally and emotionally. I lack resilience in that regard. I don't want to cut off relations with my father either, I see he is suffering but I do not know how to help him. At his worse, he threatens separation from my mother, but she is trying her hardest to hold things together. How do I help them without it impacting me but also maintaining a positive environment for my kids and spouse. How do you detach yourself emotionally and still be there? Keen to hear your experiences and thanking you in advance. Kia

Crossroads. Advice from others

replies: 2

I wanted some advice on where to go from here. If anyone has read my post about my husband having depression and now paranoid thoughts etc. Been together for over 11 years and now we are 27(me) 33(hubby). Hes not set on meds. Hes gone through ups and downs with meds etc since before our relationship started. Now last 2 years hes gone through psychosis. And we have baby number two due in 3 months. Im struggling. Its effecting my mental health and has since day one. We cant communicate like we once did as hes believing everything hes going through and never gives 100% to getting better. Now im feeling differently. I dont see myself being able to continueto do this. I feel selfish. Im just not happy anymore and have tried everything to move forward. My question is to other partners would you move on? I feel like i need to put my kids first. 4 yr old and bubs thats due soon. This isn't something I want them to contiune to go through with me and get effected by either. If you could go back would you leave? Does it ever get better? Is there any other advice? I dont have any other support from his side. I dont know how to treat him. Do i just throw him out? I tried talking and getting him to understand that i cant see a future anymore but hes not getting it. Is this decision putting my kids first? I feel horrible as i dont want to take their dad anyway but i dont feel hopeful . Hes in denial about how hes feeling and refusing help. Again. Been there done that. Advice?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

partner has really bad anxiety and I don't know how to help replies: 2

Partner with anxiety replies: 17

Mother thinks she is god replies: 8

Partner support for ptsd sufferers replies: 1

Too much replies: 3

Carers who also have mental illness replies: 6

How do I get help for my husband? replies: 3

Please help! Friend with attention seeking behaviors. replies: 3

Depression in family and coping mechanisms replies: 2

Crossroads. Advice from others replies: 2