Autism spectrum.

[Aliaaa]

Hi all. So my boyfriend was really straightforward when we met, letting me know he is on the autism spectrum. I have done research and there are so many different facts, opinions and threads of information. And yes, I do realize that no two cases are the same.

I have a couple of concerns, or observations even. He gets very caught up in things and often forgets I am there. And struggles to show affection, which makes me sometimes question does he want me there. I also feel I need to be very careful with what I say, the last thing I want is to hurt him or make him feel uncomfortable.

Any advice would be very much appreciated, thank you lovely humans of BB x

[Croix]

Dear Aliaaa~

Thanks for coming here and sharing your worries. I guess for you, like most, autism and its differing levels is new territory.

I think the first thing to say is that any long term relationship works if both people are in it together as equal partners. Each looking out for the concerns of the other. It also works best if both are as open and honest as possible with each other.

So how does this relate? I would suggest that you and your BF need to sit down for a proper discussion of the matter where you can get a clear picture of expected behavioral traits and other matters resulting from his condition. If necessary and he is unsure enlist the aid of his doctor.

It may make both of you a little uncomfortable for a while, but if it was me I'd prefer that to being endlessly worried about things and 'walking on eggshells', or worse by acting on misinformation.

I wish the pair of you very best

Croix

[Aliaaa]

Thank you Croix! I definitely shall do that, I was just a little worried about being too straightforward. I'd definitely rather tackle it than constantly worry about my words, sometimes I don't think before I speak - which I need to learn to do.

Thanks, Aliaaa

[Guest_322]

Hi Aliaaa,

I think Croix has left you a very thoughtful response about open communication in relationships. Good stuff to ponder...

I kind of wish some of the BB members who have Autism would respond so you can hear a firsthand account...anyway, I think it's great that you sound so supportive of him and that you've done your research.

I have worked (and sometimes still) work with people with autism so I have a basic understanding. Of course, it's not the same as lived experience.

There's a thread in the "Welcome and orientation" forum called A broken automaton with a heart (as opposed to working humans without souls) by Automaton.

Automaton has autism and is very articulate about his/her experiences. I think reading his (her?) post might help you gain some insight.

All the best and hopefully, we hear from you again.

Dottie x

[ro63]

Hi Aliaaa, welcome ,I can imagine it is frustrating at times my so is autistic and he also has OCD which is out of control ,anyway yes they do have some quirks and they are generally pretty sensitive while appearing disengaged at the same time ,they all have one thing in common and that is they all have one particular thing they love and are good at and while doing it they are completely engrossed in it and appear to be oblivious to all else around them,but bear in mind that when they are doing their favorite hooy or whatever it is they use that to self calm too so it acts as a double purpose and they do need to do that so they can keep their anxiety under control so that does explain why they go so deep into things and tend to block everything else out .but the good news is when they come out of it they will be yours again ,the best thing about them is they are 99.9% completely honest and very trusting of people .can I ask where on the spectrum do you think he is ,my son is high functioning,it is a scale the docs use ,I hate labels though ,If there are any specific questions you would like answered please don't hesitate to ask ,happy to help,Ross.