after 7 years sober my sister starts

[Leetherese]

where to start !! i guess i'm om here because it's easier to write thinking no one is there but still hoping you are listening. I'm 7 yrs sober and very proud of it 🙂  I have challenged depression self harm and suicide last year with my then 13 yr old daughter, She couldn't attend school or  go out socialising with friends or even have 1 friend sleep over. She was always watching out for me when i was drunk and making sure i was okay. Now she cant go out or socialise but we are getting through it she is back at school this year and thriving. Until my sister starts to show all signs of be an alcoholic. Her partner left when her second child was born 2 weeks after actually. That child is now just over two yrs old and she is a full blown drinker and we have just been told she is taking drugs aswell. i tried to talk to her as it is affecting my daughters progress with self harm and anxiety attacks. But she didnt care and now we arent talking I NEED some advice i want to help her but she keeps on and does not care 

please any advice is welcome

[Neil_1]

Dear Leetherese

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and providing your post.

CONGRATULATIONS to you for that magnificent effort that you've done and are still doing in being 7 years sober.  And yes, you should be damn proud of that.  A huge achievement.

Am I reading this right - that you have depression;   but also your 13yo daughter has as well;   and your sister is in the throes of alcoholism (and drugs also)?  I'm sorry if I've got any of that wrong.

Does your sister have both children living with her??

I gather that you've been trying to talk with her about the situation and things got not so good - hence the comment that you both aren't talking at the moment - or moreover, she's not talking to you?   Is there no way that she'll consider going to see a doctor about this?

I would have thought you would have tried the angle of how damaging this will be for her children?  I'm guessing she perhaps doesn't overly care at this at this moment in time?

I know on this site, we've got a lot of people who have years of experience in drinking - but with regard to doing it to the detriment of children - I'm not sure, but I think so as well.

I do hope others will come along and chip in with some comments/advice for you.

And I hope you can get back to us as well.

Kind regards

Neil

[Leetherese]

Hi Neil

thanks for the response. I do have depression and anxiety as does my daughter. We did get my sister to the GP and got a Mental health plan and she was going good for a few month's, but went down hill really quick. She didn't like her counselor and i suggested changing to a new one but she felt bad doing that and din't want to. I said i would take her any where as she does not drive. But i guess it was just another excuse as she would say no i feel bad doing that. I told her i love her and she is my sister and i would do any thing to help. So any way i would baby sit while she would be "cleaning' lol to find out she would be out drinking.

Any way it started affecting my daughter as she she's her little cousin (7 Yrs old) Donig what she did when i was drinking  looking after his mum and his little sister (2 yrs old) 

it really affected us when he said he got in to trouble because he didn't watch his sister and his mum's drink was spilt on the floor, But he said to me what had actually happened was he looked over to see his little sister lifting the glass to her mouth so he hit it out of her hand. And yes he was scared, so i told him it wasn't your fault you done the right thing it's not good for her to drink that and mum should put it up high. He was relieved to know he done good 😞  

So i said to her look it's starting to affect us as well and she just let rip and said horrible nasty thing's about me and my children. I said when you want help i am here for you but i cant watch what your doing to your children and i cant have it set myself and my daughter back as we are doing so well atm. So she is just telling every one i cut her of.

Many years ago i had a falling out with our mum for the same reason but she is just a nasty drunk and dont want that influence around my children

Leetherese

[geoff]

dear Leetherese, I had just typed a long letter to you but it came back with system error damn it, so I will try to remember what I typed.

This is annoying and I don't know why. L Geoff. x

[geoff]

dear Leetherese, well see how we go this time, it is frustrating when this 'system error' appears and you lose you reply.

I want to firstly congratulate you on your sobriety as this is never an easy task to achieve, but in your circumstances it was the best result.

Neither you or your sister were given much option as your mum was a 'nasty drunk', and the overflow from this was never going to be good and certainly a bad influence, but now you have been able to fight this and have eventually stopped, so that's great for you and your daughter.

Now your sister is doing exactly the same as your mum and once her kids get the taste and the effects of what alcohol does to anybody then they will be hooked, and taking advantage when she has passed out, so it's not the way to go, but she has no regard as long she has alcohol on the premises.

If the authorities knew of what was happening then the kids would be taken off her, but there are problems with this, in that these kids would become aggressive, disruptive and probably rebellious causing a great of concern for where they would be housed.

She could go into detox but that's not necessarily going to stop her from drinking, because she could sign out for an hour or so and go straight to the bottle shop, or she could get someone to bring it in, and although it's forbidden in detox, alcoholic always find a way.

If she is forced into detox by a court order and doesn't want to stop drinking it really is a waste of time, because it's only if her desire is to stop then she can get help, but at the moment that doesn't seem to be an option.

I know that you want to help her and that's a real credit to you, but no what happens she will blame you, whether or not you have instigated it.

It's a worry for all those concerned, and when we are drunk anything is possible, we make stupid decisions and act on impulses.

I would like to continue this post, as I was an alcoholic when I was depressed and that for a long time. L Geoff. x

[Leetherese]

Hi Geoff

Sorry i did not realise that you had commented as my computer as been playing up and now i have it fixed it's good 🙂   

My sister made contact with me via a text message, Asking me if i could come see the kid's because they are asking for me. This indeed break's my heart but i did not respond, and half hour later i see on facebook she is out at the pub with friend's 

The next week she texted me again asking to please not punish her children because of her stupid mistake. I replied with "i love those kid's but i love you just as much and i want you back". She said she was trying. And we haven't spoken again 😞

I am very happy you have responded as i was getting a little down about no one replying. I thought just another lonely person talking on the internet and no one is listening. 

I had a bit of a break down this week !! I lost it and starting slamming door's and just could not communicate. Then i was stuck sitting in my car and had to get my partner to come collect me. I was down for a few day's but i'm ok atm 

thank you for listening

PS i did not crave a drink at all through it 🙂