Advice on how best to support my partner

[ecsc1985]

Hi - I'm hoping I can obtain some advice as to how I can best be there / support my boyfriend. I have know through our relationship that he is battling with depression and anxiety. Recently he has completely withdrawn and where as we used to spend a lot of time together - he is now withdrawing and spending more time to himself / at his. He doctor has prescribed him to new medication, and whilst I struggled to understand his needs (which turned into a bit of an argument), I'm wondering how best to be there for him during these dark times? I send him a message or call him once a day, just to say something nice. 

When we do talk he seems very dis-interested. Whilst I understand people have to be selfish, can I do any more to help him through / understand what he is dealing with? And what are the best ways other partners have looked after themselves during these times? Thank you in advance for your help. 

[geoff]

dear Esc, thanks for asking this question and sorry it's a day to get a reply but your comment has been pushed over to page 3.

Firstly can I suggest that you click under 'resources' at the top of this page and order all the printed material from BB it's free but very informative for those who are depressed, and their partners/spouses or friends.

People with depression withdraw from their partners/spouses and any social functions, it's not their fault but unfortunately some people believe that it is, but they can't help it no matter how much you support them.

I would like to get your opinion when you have read this printed information as it explains so much. L Geoff. x

[ecsc1985]

Hi Geoff, 

thank you for response. I have been reading brought the booklets - and I believe my boyfriend is taking steps in the right direction. He has been diagnosed and is taking he medication, but there are months of getting into a good routine, then months of him self medicating and not wanting any help.

He has moved back into his, which I'm trying to get use to and not think of it as a a step backwards. He also has an incredibly introverted personality - so he would prefer spending days to himself. 

Obviously I want to support him through everything. Use the correct wording and not come across selfish. But also need certain things for myself - to also feel loved. At present he is always speaking as if we will not be together in the long term.

with a trip booked in for 3 months time, I'm hoping I can continue to support him from a far. 

[AGrace]

Hi ecsc,

It's great that you found Geoff's suggestions useful.

How did you go with the resources? How is your boyfriend doing? Are you still living separately? Have you been able to look at any of the other threads from other community members who are caring for a loved one with mental illness?

Some of the threads you might like to join are:

How to deal with a depressed partner?

in sickness and in health. I do

Advice on depression - first steps

It's simple enough to enter these headings into the search function, top right of screen. You may even find it helpful to connect with others who are also in a carer role.

I hope we will hear more from you, and I hope that things are starting to pick up for you and your boyfriend. I know you mentioned you have a trip planned soon. Will you be going on your own?

AGrace