Dear friends
I don’t know how to write this – I’ve been thinking on how to do this in the best way – you know, without giving away too much information – um, that’s not making sense. I’ll try this.
Last year we (my partner and I) knew that our son had self harmed. Not good as you know, self-harming can lead to life-time memories/scars. I’ve run this by Beyond Blue and I’m not allowed to mention the where’s and how’s for what he did – but just to say that it’s highly concerning for us. The school called us and we were able to speak with him – after some time, we found out that he was doing this because he had friends who were in really bad places and were considering the ‘s’ word. That really shook him up, as he is a deeply caring boy.
Fast forward to last Tuesday – we were called to his school (a new school by the way) – he was found by some other boys self-harming again. The same kind of self harm that he was doing last year, only last week, it was a lot more. We met up with the head teacher and also our son (he’s 16yo by the way) – he had bandages where he had self harmed.
We were both in shock about this – and had no idea that he was doing this – and apparently he’s been doing it for some time (like months and months) and he’s just been very good at hiding it. The clever little bugga! Only he's not so little anymore - he's about my height now.
So this was the post I was going to send last week, when Maresy was saying she thought there was something up with me, and I told her back that she has amazing intuition. But I decided not too, until now – and I do this now, because he’s done it again today!
He's bandaged again and I’m just gutted! We’re beside ourselves with worry – he is unable, or won’t tell us why he’s doing this. There is no anger at all, there is nothing but love and support in this family – he’s told us it’s not what prompted it last year for him. He has said there’s nothing wrong at his school and that that’s all fine.
He has said that it’s nothing to do with his home/family life. (Wow, it sounds like he talks a lot, but that’s not the case – we just gently ask questions and he’ll just say, ‘no it’s not that’.)
We’re now trying to go through different things for what it might be – because there is something there for him that’s really terrible (he’s suggested as such) but he cannot tell us. I’ve told him similar stories that I’ve responded to on this site, and where if the person keeps things to themselves, the situation will only get worse.
He’s been to see a counselor and also a GP - but again, that is something that is in strictest confidence and that nothing said there can be known by us.
This is ripping us up inside and at the moment, I’m injured in legs and in arms, so cannot go to the gym for my workout sessions – so with everything else that is affecting me mentally, this new thing has just swept over everything else and is like a ‘news alert’ a siren with flashing lights attached and is dominating my mind terribly.
I know we cannot force him to tell us – and my partner has tried to be with him to see if he’d open up, but all to no avail. I have tried on a couple of occasions – in fact, only just half an hour ago and I was met with – “I just don’t want to talk about it”.
I have my own psychologist appointment this Thursday – hey can you guess what might be on the Agenda for that session?
I don’t know what to do. I really feel helpless. Any thoughts/suggestions would be so welcome.
Neil
