21 year old son won't seek help and I cannot stop worrying.

[art68]

Hi, I am new to this forum.
My son is using drugs (mainly weed) to self-medicate through his anxiety and depression. Just before Christmas he was in an accident and when I got to the scene he said he didn’t want to be here anymore. The hospital got the resident Psyc to talk to him, but within an hour of getting him home he was acting like nothing happened. He has been depressed for years and has seen psycs in the past but he hates them. He has admitted, to my partner and I, that he needs help but just won’t go. I guess why I am really posting is that I am makinmyself sick with the worry. Each day I am so stressed until I know he is alive... I have a very clear understanding of anxiety (suffered with it myself)
and stress and I am at breaking point. I know that if I don’t control these stresses I will get so sick. I cry about the situation every other day and live in an anxious state every day. How do other people cope with this? I don’t want to lose my son and I feel completely helpless about what to do. I don’t know if I should ask him if he is ok? But then how many times do I ask that question???? He is attending uni 4 days a week and has just moved into a new place, I do see some positives. He just seems to care about very little and spends most of his time angry at the world. This is consuming my life and I don’t know how to stop it from doing so. Thanks

[Croix]

Dear Art68~

You are in a horrible situation and I feel greatly for you. To watch a son struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts is a terrible thing. You have done something sensible in posting here. Here are people who have suffered in all sorts of ways and want to help others as a result.

The most obvious thing from your writing is that you need to look after yourself now. You mentioned you are familiar with anxiety and stress.

May I ask if you are undergoing any treatment? If you are it does not seem, from your words, to be helping perhaps as much as it should. Yes I understand the situation, and nothing will ever make it easy for you, however in order to make sensible decisions and to be there long-term you do need a level of support -sometimes medical.

Do you have the support and understanding of a partner or other family?

If it was me I'd write down your circumstances, feelings and past history at your leisure and then take it to your GP. Go over the paper in a long consultation and see if you need treating for anxiety or depression yourself. While there you may be able to discuss your son's situation too.

Self-medication on weed is not a good path to go down, as you probably know. It can create more problems. I'm not sure that keeping on asking your son if he is ok will be productive. It depends, for some it lets the person feel others care for them, for others it generates anger and resentment - I don't know which is the case here.

What would be useful is to find out why he is unwilling to accept professional help - has he had bad experiences with this in the past?

I'll mention in passing The Facts menu above, which has information about depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, with more information for family and friends here:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning/information-for-family-and-friends

Also the BeyondNow app to help those at risk which is found here:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

Have a read and see what you think.

Please post again and say how you are going, it's a most difficult time and we wish to help where we can

Croix

[art68]

Thank you Croix for responding.

I have seen a professional before and I have booked myself in again in to see someone, as I know I need someone to talk to who can give me unbiased advice. I have a very supportive partner who is my son's step dad. He has been amazing in dealing with my stress and also supporting my son. My son has seen a psyc before and it was a really bad experience. He also thinks he is smarter that everyone else, so how could anyone else help him. When he hits a really bad spot he admits he needs help and we talk about seeing someone but he just
starts feeling ok and then never makes the call. Also he is masking his feeling with the drugs. I will definitely read the facts sheets. Thank you for listening. Just getting it out also helps.