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wow

K_Ley
Community Member

Well, what a 72 hrs it has been.  Went to school (work) on Tuesday expecting to just plod along and get through the day the best way I could like has been my life lately.  But one accusation from a less that kind student and my whole world has spiralled out of control for 48 hours.  I have self-harmed 3 times, been to the doctor for medical attention for the last one, had my first ever suicidal thought and somehow come out the other side.  I have some amazing supportive friends and the support through these forums is incredible.  

I am not under any illusions that somehow my darkest hours are done and dusted, but for now I am ok.  I hope I never go through a similar experience as what I have since Tuesday lunchtime, but I am also fully aware that it is a possibility that it will happen again.  This journey only really started for me a matter of a couple of months ago, but I have already learnt so much about mental illness and the things that sufferers go through.  I have a lot of learning still to do and a lot of healing still to happen, but I hope one day in the future all of this will be just a memory.  

6 Replies 6

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi again,

 

Indeed the learning curve with an open mind that you have is priceless. I have a few threads that each has a first post pertaining to your situation-

 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/quot-grow-a-thick-skin-quot/td-p/470163

 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/wit-the-only-answer-for-torment/td-p/71440

 

Since writing the "wit" post I have since also honed my ability to have an answer ready to reply. Sometimes my quick responses to a nasty comment isnt there fast enough. So eg "ok, if a student says something like ..... I will answer like this....." Preempting a nasty comment isnt easy but its the best throw back process.

 

Your fragility will likely mean you'll be hit by that brick wall again and again but the spacings might change for the better. Triggers arent good as they are immediate (or delayed till after work which can be accomplished depending on the severity.

 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/triggers-that-down-you-triggers-that-lift-you/td-p/...

 

When experiencing a mental health down turn we become a shell of our normal selves. We seems to no longer cope with the basics we learned even as far back as children. We need to relearn, in effect remind ourselves of how we used to cope with awkward situations.

 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/words-are-stick-and-stones/td-p/59452

 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/vulnerable-be-ready-to-defend/td-p/318002

 

I've included the following post because it teaches the art of changing your environment when having suicidal thoughts. 

 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-has-it-taken-you-to-the-end/td-p/151669

 

Thankyou for posting. Reply anytime

 

TonyWK

Eagle Ray
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi K-Ley,

 

 I really understand where you are coming from. An incident like that can throw your world into chaos, especially when you are already vulnerable. It is really great you have reached out for help in the process.

 

 I think my world has kind of collapsed in a similar way quite quickly. Even when struggling I’m not usually fighting self-harm. I feel like I’m losing my family and the things I’ve always known as part of my identity. Like you I hope the spiral ends and doesn’t resurface. I guess an important thing is knowing supports are available and you are not alone.

 

 I’m glad you are safe and doing ok now. Take good care and people here and elsewhere are there to support you if you need it. I hope you can find some restful, peaceful time today.

The main problem with sensitive, vulnerable people is that like one country defending itself from invasion there is no alternative but to equal or more than equal the onslaught. The result of not countering this is to be walked over. 

 

In K-Ley's case unfortunately it is in a classroom environment. The second thread listed is "wit, the only answer to torment"... if mastered can be your greatest tool as a defence without causing drama that will escalate the situation. 

 

I've built 2 homes, the latest one 3 years ago at 64yo. I had a relative I'd call confrontational visit and as we toured our home she had criticisms that were very deflating. After we sat down she continued. I said "so did you fix the fault in the home you built". She replied "oh yes our builder had to under warranty". (my opportunity) "Oh, what, that home in Wallan, didnt you build it yourself" (I knew she didnt) "No, I havent built a house myself" (opportunity) "Oh, with all the faults you picked out here I thought you had". She apologised.

 

It is sad we have to pre-empt such conversations. And there are times when we are so fragile that out of the blue comments like what you got that day can hit you hard. My daughter was a math/art teacher and she can never work in that field again.

 

What do you think of such defence tactics?

 

TonyWK

thank you for the information and the support it is comforting to know there are people out there that understand.  Six months ago I never dreamed I would be self-harming..  They are so scary and confronting.  I know that I will gradually get to know my triggers and be able to change the situation hopefully, and I guess I am wishful thinking to expect that it won't happen again.  I have so much trauma from the past and grief in the current that I need to work through.  I just hope I can find the strength to reach out for support when the dark times happen.  Thanks again

K_Ley
Community Member

Thinking of you

Sound like something to try thank you.  thinking of you