??? Whats wrong

[Guest_4593]

Feeling nothing, im stepping out my comfort zone, taking risks. Trying to feel something but nothing i dont feel happy, joy no sense of excitement or fear.. just feel alone and sad and cry alot.

I was asked why i self harmed i said i dont know . And i dont really understand why i do. But thinking now hey its something to feel...
I have to wake up every morning and (GET UP) i have responsibilities like everyone and i have to pretend to everyone that im ok . Work cant have me half there id lose my job.. family annoys me to much for me to have them realise im not ok . So its all fake and pretend all day.. i have about 3 people who i can say im not ok 2 ..but this is been going on so long even i wanna leave and ignore myself. Im uncomfortable talking out loud or to professionals im not sure i will get help but i do think ill lose the 3 people i do have very soon . Maybe just need to pretend with them aswell but im drowning suffocating in myself and this sense of emptiness is so overwhelming i just come undone every night when im alone in my room

[Guest_4593]

I don't wanna try anymore..it's to hard .its just to much and i never seem to end up on any positive side. The harder i try the worse i am., the harder i try at work the more thay want, everyday is more stress less sleep. And just more pretending, fake smiles, im great how are u. ... i just wanna scream

[Guest_4593]

Only because I know im taking to myself....

I have a drinking problem, this year professional opinion of depression, generalized anxiety and panic disorder with suicidal and self harm tendencies..seriously who wouldn't be depressed hearing that, god talk about over diagnosing . I think the medical community is having some Munchausen by $$$$ profit syndrome.. what happened to plan miserable people. . Get a cough or a sneeze $60 doctor appointment to clear covid, days off work waiting for results...god please can i cough i dont wanna get out of bed

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_4593,

Thank you for posting here tonight and sharing your thoughts and feelings. We are so sorry to hear you are feeling depressed, Sometimes hearing different medical labels about how we are feeling can make us feel out of sorts even if the intent of these labels was to provide clarity. If you feel like you could use extra support, you can always talk to one of our friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14).

Please remember that you have support here on the forums and please keep reaching out here whenever you feel up to it.
 

[mocha delight]

Hi guest_4593 although I’ve not undiagnosed with anything at this stage I’m the complete opposite of you as in I’m the type of person who handles things better with knowing what I’m dealing with rather then the unknown. But my psychologist agrees with my gp that I have depression and this Friday just gone during my appointment she told me that I have both social & general anxiety but it’s not official or anything yet.

[Guest_4593]

Thx to messed up . Callled all sighs tonight to much waiting. Just got home from Stumbling stopping at corners and weaving around the streets lol i didn't even what to go out night out . Hoped that the hour walk would k*ll me but even glued to my my phone. Im whole....

[Guest_4593]

I wonder if it's Time to just say ( this is my life) i spend so much time wondering when i will get a life, i do so much for everyone and hope my time will come. I babysit nieces and nephews of my older siblings i look after my mum who doesn't work. I ignore my dad who was my bestfriend because it hurts my mum. i open my house when my siblings have nowhere to go despite the fact thay come with so much baggage as 1 drug addict, 1 with 3 kids, 1 with 2 kids .. my life stopped when i was 18( thats being kind my mum lent on me for support since i was 9 or 10)... because everyone else needed me and has kids i say ok ill do this now, it won't be forever.... but i end up babysitting every day off than another kid is born and i do it again and again and someone always needs something and its never small.( they wanna live with me or go back to work and leave me with kids on my days off. .. i am the only one with a full time job and a mortgage and a big house to maintain by myself. But its always irrelevant and i dont do enough because i have no idea what it's like to have kids( as im told)

Would i be better off if i except this is just my life and there is no better. Im just hear to look after everyone else despite the fact they don't ever seem to learn and keep repeating their mistakes . Do i give up and say no my life is taking care of my family

[Guest_4593]

Not doing so good. I had some nice moments today, surrounded by misery and pain. But all days end here alone sad miserable and empty..im telling myself get thought the year. But im not sure i believe it..im in trouble at work and home is just...i don't know im ANGRY ALL The time and i blow up at nothing..it wouldn't be so bad but i make everyone miserable. Someone is having a good day and happy im annoyed by there happiness so i insult them and make them miserable than i feel worse and wonder why people being happy makes me so angry..i dont know what is wrong and how to change and i just dont want to feel anything anymore. Because it all hurts

[Guest_4593]

Its pointless trying to help me....noone has ever understood me noone has tried why bother

[Guest_4593]

Hi all hope everyone is well, i was writing my drama was trying to explain how im feeling. But i can't seem to even be bothered trying to do that .. cliff notes im really stuggling at the moment and right now i quess with the holidays im all about family lol its always my family .. i dont see away out from this life and i hate this life and i know i have lost any chance of my own life . And i will just keep going until no one needs me and than it will be to late

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_4593,

Thank you for sharing what you are going through tonight. We are sorry you're really struggling at the moment and feeling like there is no way out. Holidays can be a challenging time and be triggering for many people. Please know that there is always hope and that there are supports available. Sometimes talking to someone can help us process these heavy feelings and even find some safe and healthy ways to feel better. We are reaching out to you privately to offer support.

If you feel like you could use extra support, you can always talk to one of our friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14).

Please remember that you have support here on the forums and please keep reaching out here whenever you feel up to it.