??? Whats wrong

[Guest_4593]

Feeling nothing, im stepping out my comfort zone, taking risks. Trying to feel something but nothing i dont feel happy, joy no sense of excitement or fear.. just feel alone and sad and cry alot.

I was asked why i self harmed i said i dont know . And i dont really understand why i do. But thinking now hey its something to feel...
I have to wake up every morning and (GET UP) i have responsibilities like everyone and i have to pretend to everyone that im ok . Work cant have me half there id lose my job.. family annoys me to much for me to have them realise im not ok . So its all fake and pretend all day.. i have about 3 people who i can say im not ok 2 ..but this is been going on so long even i wanna leave and ignore myself. Im uncomfortable talking out loud or to professionals im not sure i will get help but i do think ill lose the 3 people i do have very soon . Maybe just need to pretend with them aswell but im drowning suffocating in myself and this sense of emptiness is so overwhelming i just come undone every night when im alone in my room

[Guest_4593]

Thanks smallwolf.. please let me know if you ever wanna talk im always up

[Aaronsis]

Hey Guest_4593

I just wanted to stop in and say how proud I am of you, that even though you struggle each time with "being able to stand alone" and "managing this" you are able to come back to chat and to get some support here.

Also being able to reach out with the offer to support others is so huge and I want to say to you that is such a big part of healing and feeling is being able to stand with another in hard times and to comfort another.

You really are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for and I am proud of you.

Hugs

Sarah

[Guest_4593]

Thanks sarah . Kind words take care of urself

[Guest_4593]

Can't stop the water works today, and my minds in overdrive with strong thoughts and feelings. Just wanna see if putting it down might help . I dont have anyone to talk so sometimes i fell better just saying it to people who dont know me and just the thought i have said something sometimes helps

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_4593,

We're so grateful you decided to reach out and share your feelings here tonight. We can hear that it's been a really tough day for you, but please remember that you don't have to go through this alone. If you'd like a little bit of extra support tonight, we'd really encourage you to reach out to the lovely counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope you continue to reach out and share with our community, whenever you feel up to it.

[Guest_4593]

Thanks lines were busy tonight. Understandable bad year for everyone. Thanks anyway

[geoff]

Hello Guest_4593, there are people who have been reading this thread and know exactly what're saying, some may also have tears coming down their face and ever wonder if they're going to stop but and ve reaching for a tissue from a box that's almost empty and very little has to be said to know when you or perhaps someone else is struggling at this very early time of the day.

We are here for you and anyone else who wants to post but too frightened to.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Guest_4593

You are so very right in that even putting words onto a screen where no one knows who you are does help. It really does help and while I know it is sometimes frustrating not to have the back and forth flow of instant communication and conversation, we are here, eventually to let you know that we are proud of you and that we do care.

I may not always get right back to those who I am talking with but I think about you all each day, think about what the day has for you and how you are going so know, that while we are not always here talking you are in my thoughts.

It is good sometimes to have these moments of a massive cry and to let it all out and to just be essentially a crying mess, it is exhausting and it hurts but it is necessary to purge. Purging both mentally here in words and also physically to get it all out by crying. Sit with it, let it out and then grab your list, your list of things you do love and even just reading it sometimes is distraction enough, I used to laugh when people said that to me, to look at a list of what makes me happy and things that make me happy, "what is a stupid list going to do"...well the thing is that my list was not right for the way I was feeling and how far down the rabbit hole I had gone. So while I mean not to belittle you by saying "what makes you happy"..I really mean that right now..in the darkest of times do you have something that can even cause a distraction, a song..anything that grabs your attention in a positive way.

Huge hugs to you my brave friend.

Sarah

[Guest_4593]

Really bad head space tonight, friend actually just called .but i dont feel like talking..finding everything hard wanna give up. Trying to think how many good days iv actually had this year.... i would settle for a happy place like work sucks but than i get can go home! but no i dread waking up, going to work than going home than going to sleep i have no happy place just dread.... i wish i wasn't like this anymore it really sucks and i don't even recognize myself anymore. I look at myself and i have a reminder of what this year has done with scars that im covering daily . Thats become a big problem with the hot weather but im still fighting back those desires every night. Its all really just a battle and i fail to see what im fighting for

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest4593,

Thank you for posting here tonight and letting us know how you are doing. We are so sorry that you are in a bad head space tonight. We are also reaching out to your privately to check in with you. Depression is a difficult thing to deal with and we can hear how hard it has been for you lately. We also want to acknowledge that you are doing your best and striving to keep yourself safe even when it feels very difficult. Please know that these forums are a safe, non-judgmental space to share your experiences.

Please remember that you can get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service for support. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

If you are in immediate danger to yourself this is an emergency and you must contact triple zero (000).

You are doing so well so far, and we really encourage you to keep looking for ways that can truly support you. We are also here for you along your journey.