??? Whats wrong

[Guest_4593]

Feeling nothing, im stepping out my comfort zone, taking risks. Trying to feel something but nothing i dont feel happy, joy no sense of excitement or fear.. just feel alone and sad and cry alot.

I was asked why i self harmed i said i dont know . And i dont really understand why i do. But thinking now hey its something to feel...
I have to wake up every morning and (GET UP) i have responsibilities like everyone and i have to pretend to everyone that im ok . Work cant have me half there id lose my job.. family annoys me to much for me to have them realise im not ok . So its all fake and pretend all day.. i have about 3 people who i can say im not ok 2 ..but this is been going on so long even i wanna leave and ignore myself. Im uncomfortable talking out loud or to professionals im not sure i will get help but i do think ill lose the 3 people i do have very soon . Maybe just need to pretend with them aswell but im drowning suffocating in myself and this sense of emptiness is so overwhelming i just come undone every night when im alone in my room

[blondguy]

Hey Guest_4593

I hope you are doing reasonably okay...You mentioned on another thread that you 'Hate' yourself and thats fine as I also have those crappy days too

Just saying hi

Hi 🙂

my kindest....Paul

[Guest_4593]

Thanks paul,

trying hard these days.. hi and warm wishes back to you

[blondguy]

Ditto here 4593

I know I am having difficulty since January....I was about to resign from the forums and then Covid reared its ugly head....so just trying to help out with anxiety and depressive issues

Just saying hello and sending you some hugs (if thats okay of course)

I hope your weekend is good to you!

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Guest_4593]

Thanks paul . Yeah im thinking of giving up on this forum too nobody seems to care what i say anymore so whats the point.

i think its a great thing what u do for others and i hope things turn around for u .

[smallwolf]

*waves to Pau

@Guest_4593 - Sorry to hear that you feel people here do not care about you. Can you please tell me what it would look like if people did care about you?

In your prev. post you mentioned your responsibilities have eased and feeling empty at the same time? Do you want to tell me about that?

One thing I inherited from a dad was being a workaholic! So not doing anything allows my mind to ruminate. Some of these thoughts come from core beliefs as well. If you are so used to doing something this change can be hard to cope with - at least for me.

Do you want to tell a little more of your story?

[Guest_4593]

Honestly i dont know what caring looks like i know that lately people have stopped asking if im ok people have stopped txting me to check in which is fine everyone has a life.

Yes my life has temporarily slowed down im also on leave from work which even my close colleagues were like yep ok see you.. I am usually a busy person working and running around after people. My demons usually come at night when i stop and im alone .
So yeah i quess being free is turning my anxiety and depression (not diagnosed) into overdrive . Bright side i haven't self harmed this week not that it hasn't been on my mind alot

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest, thanks for continuing to share your thoughts with us on the Beyond Blue forums. We're sorry to hear that you feel as though others do not care. We know it can be really upsetting when we feel that others are not making an effort to reach out. We hope you know that are community is here for you and if you would like to share more of your story, please feel free to do so. We're really glad to hear that you've been able to manage your urges to self-harm this week. It sounds as though you've been keeping yourself busy. Do you have much planned for next week? Please remeber that If you'd like to talk these feelings through, our Support Service is available anytime on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way. If you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, please call 000 (triple zero).
 

[Guest_4593]

I actually want some help and advice on something ( my mother) it may even help people understand me.. my mother has always had something wrong with her since i was little and thousands of doctors appointments, not to many diagnoses, every week there is something new and a bandage here and bandages there, but if noone comments then a day later there gone..my mother has always seemed to be a bit of a attention seeker to my family and growing up with that, feels like
( problems and health and mental health issues are attention seeking) I don't know if I feel bad to reach out for help or guilty or if it's just not acceptable.. its a really weird head space for me asking for help on something that i grow up thinking was a attention seeking behavior

[ecomama]

Dear Guest_4593

It's completely okay to reach out and ask for help, it's REALLY important to do that!

Others can't help if we don't communicate with them.

Guest if you reread Grandy's post about visiting the hospital a few times and receiving no support when she went home... then she made a decision to reach out and help others. This was a changing point for her.

My changing point was when I decided it was up to me to take responsibility for how I felt and if I couldn't manage that.... to seek further help from MH qualified professionals. And I have.

Exploring these forums - especially the Wellbeing sections and getting that help has completely changed my life for the better.

You are not your mother.
You are YOU, so if you need help then call.

It's time to take the reigns of your life and if you can't do that alone, there's help available to do that WITH you until you can take the reigns back on your own.

In saying that, we ALL need to feel connected to others. We are hardwired to need this connection.

Love and best wishes
EM

[Guest_4593]

Im stronger, i have NOTHING to lose and i dont care . I have nothing, i look at my fridge...photos off nieces and nephews and i see what i will never have. I am the youngest and KNOW... there will never be a spot for me.. i wasn't given the chance to have a life I was here to look after everyone and help, i was never destined for a life Nor do i want 1 anymore... i can't help, noone is happy, noone ever is .. why do i have to keep going and helping everyone when there still all unhappy its all pointless